Dont let her, stay calm and confident. I still think that a digital recorder is a good idea to keep in your pocket. If the situation starts to deteriorate, get out of there. Go for a drive, go for a run, ask her to leave.
If you tell one of your boys that they cant take the truck, and they throw a fit about it, slam doors, say they hate you, do you take it personally? No, you realize that they are just reacting to you being firm and standing your ground. Shes doing the same thing, but shes your equal, and shes got different stakes than the kids, so shes going to try to push you away, and if you wont let her, shes going to try to make you hate her so that you are the one who wants out. Shell tell you that your marriage was a mistake, and that shes not sure that she ever really loved you, you got married for the wrong reasons, Ill always love you, but Im not in love with you, and all of the other lines that we have all heard 1000 times. Its all expected behavior. You have to decide what you are willing to go through, and be firm and consistent with your boundaries. She will figure out that shes making a terrible choice (they always do), and when that happens, you need to figure out where you will be.
My ex has been miserable, very guilty and ashamed since he left. He has some major regrets, and I think that thats true of most WAS. Maybe they dont always come back, but they do realize what a terrible choice they made.
A woman who doesnt allow her sons to see their father when he is home only for a few weeks before heading back to war isnt going to look very good. And is a lousy mom!
I always think about how them showing their evil side really does make it easier to detach! Maybe when you are home you should go around and take photos of all of your valuable things, the harley, any guns, the truck. That way you will have a record of their condition if she tries to mess with them.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
