It seems my W doesn't even want to be friends. I don't know why??? I said to her on Sunday night that I wanted to still be friends with her, but all she said was that we won't be doing anything together unless it involves our son, so I don't know how I can show here that I have changed. SHe won't speak to me unless she has to.
Then stop trying. No R talk, no pursuing; leave her alone and focus on yourself.
She will find out about your changes when she sees you. Or when her friend mentions that she saw you at the grocery store the other day and you looked good.
Originally Posted By: stu321
I have been given every reason under the sun why she doesn't want to be with me and that she has been unhappy for years.
Typical WAS script.
Don't worry too much about it; she is saying everything and anything she can to justify the bomb, both to you and to herself.
Which brings us back to taking the pressure off of her and focus on yourself. You'd be surprised how much that little bit of effort helps the situation.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
The next real time that I will get to spend with her will be on Christmas morning. It will only be for a few hours though (she invited me to go over and to be there when our son opens his presents. She is putting on breakfast and invited me to go to church with her and our son. Other than that, I'll only be seeing her once a week when I drop our son off.
Coach, your right, she did say "I do" and has changed her mind, I guess there is hope she will change it back.
just a quick update. I found out today that my W, her sister and her mum have all been seing the same councillor. My W's sister has also recently split with her boyfriend and while I was speaking to him today, he said that W's sister told him that she didn't care if they got back together or not.
My sister also got a message from W today saying that she has seen all the changes I have made in regards to my health and more interest in our son's life and that she is sad she had to end our marriage for the changes to occur. W also said that time will heal all wounds and hopefully W and I can work better as friends. My sister had sent her a message previously asking her if she needed to talk that she could speak to her and didn't think that it would come to this.
Hi Stu, Im glad that shes noticed your changes, and even admits it! Time is on your side here, and shes right about you working together to become friends again. Thats going to be the first step in any kind of reconciliation for you.
What did your sister say to her comment?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
She just said that "yes, he has taken control of things" and even with all that has happened, that I still love her and she doesn't think I will go back to my old ways. She also said she was upset to be loosing a sister and an aunty to her son.
I also told my W on Sunday night that maybe us splitting was a blessing in disguise as it's made me realise what is really important to me. Don't know if I should of said that, but it's true.
Well, it needed to come out one way or another, and Im glad that your sister said it rather than you. But now you need to make sure that you dont mention it again. She knows how you feel and you keeping the pressure on will just push her away more.
I think that sometimes the WAS doesnt try to come back because they dont realize that someone is willing to forgive, and does want to try again. But its a heck of a fine line to communicate that message, and not be pursuing!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I spoke to my W tonight, we had a laugh about something our son had done. He was supposed to get a haircut this afternoon, and thought he would get a head start by doing some himself. Luckily he didn't do too much damage. W sent me a picture.
I also spoke to her about her taking our son on a holiday. She did mention it on Sunday night and I said that I needed to think about it. She did get upset. Tonight I told her that she could take him for as long as she likes, and that I was being selfish and that he would love to spend time with her and his happiness is what is important. She thanked me and she sounded genuinely pleased. We also had a joke about my trip with him. I had to get her to check the validity of our passports, and she thought mine was nearing the expiration date. She joked by saying that she'll have to take him to Fiji instead of me.
It was a pleasant conversation, and I felt good after it. I know it means nothing in reagards to our relationship, but it's a baby step to re-building our friendship.
I can't stop thinking about our marriage and how much this is hurting me. Everyone I have spoken to has asked me if she has someone else and I keep saying no, but the question coming up do often gets me wondering if there is or not. She has told me that there isn't, but I don't know if I believe her.
I even went to the extreme today and saw a tarot card reader who told me to let go if the marriage as we aren't suited. She also said that she believes there is someone else. I have never been to one before, and I'm not sure why I went. I just wish I knew 100% if there was someone else. She has sworn on our son that there is no one else.
Apologies for the rambling, but I wanted to call her and ask her again, but thought I was better off using this forum to try to let things out.
I am so pessimistic when it comes to this...I always think there is another person behind the mean spouse. It gives them courage and then they act out. Typical low self esteem people..
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
