Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[BigJohn]

I realize that emotionally I am wondering what my stbxw is up to, and want to know. Logically, I know I won't like it, whatever it is, and knowing what she is up to would only hurt me, so I am better off in dark mode, with no knowledge of what she is doing.

I've been there and done that. Until I reached complete emotional detachment in my sitch I had the same problem. You are right, you need to banish these thoughts from your head as they will only hurt you. I had a good friend who asked me the other day how I was able to cope with all of what was going on with my W and our impending D. I told him that one of the things I've done to reconcile my own feelings was to recognize that for all intents and purposes my W as I knew her "died" on 1/19/09 (the day OM made initial contact with her). This has helped me in grieving the loss of my M while also helping to control earlier urges to dwell on my W's activities.

I went on a 'coffee date' yesterday with someone, and I was just totally not attracted nor interested in following up with another 'date.'

You are not alone. It's weird, but these past few months in particular I've encountered several situations where women have been actively flirting with me- good looking women- and I just can seem to get motivated or interested. Maybe it's emotional burnout or perhaps subconsciously I'm telling myself I just need a R break for awhile to just be by myself.

I am frustrated with myself. Months on now from the bomb, and a year since having physical contact with her, and over a year since we had been 'working on' our MR, that I still allow her to have this kind of control of me. It's annoying to say the least.

You know I can relate to this as well. There is a really good article on detachment that I copied the hyperlink to under a post in the "I Need Support For My Marital Problems" forum. It's a good read and worth checking out. Being able to accomplish complete emotional detachment made a HUGE difference in my ability to handle and survive my sitch.

Have a great week. I'll check back with you later.