Back after a long weekend and somewhat more confused-posters feel free to chime in with what you more experienced DBusters think
So--H comes over and stays wed night,have nice dinner, pick up daughter together from airport. We make love Thurs am and Sat am. --I know--- dont yell at me about cake eating. He says he has stopped having sex with OW -I believe him but dont know how long it will last. He still is seeing her after work for talk, watching TV, cuddling til she goes home to her H. From wed nite til Mon he didnt see her and stayed at our home to see our daughter in from out of town. Whether you agree with me or not, I am trying to get some of those "endorphins" going between us with sex, dinners, spending time together, no R talk so all the fun times are not with her. Things went really well I thought--he says he feels the most comfortable he has in years being around me. He invites me to come to Xmas at his mothers after we had a good thanksgiving day a sisters with our grown kids. Very little texting or calling Ow--I can look online at his cell phone thoough still some on Thanksgiving day.
Then--Sat nite we watch a movie at home with daughter 25 and cuddle on the couch--I am leaning on him under blanket. Son-22 has friends over who are home from college. They come upstais t say hello and see H and I cuddling--ask my son whats going on cuz they know we are separated. This set off a chain reaction later in my son. He goes out drinking at the bars, gets a ride home and at 1:30 am puts his fist through glass door and comes raging up and wakes H and I up. Starts yelling at his father calling him a "p-ssy" for playing house like we are a real family on holidays when daughter is home, how he is leading me on, "sc--rewing his troll slut" as he calls her, how his dad (grandpa who just died" would be so disappointed in him.Son iscrying and yelling at same time, calling his dad out, telling him to be a man. Now, 4 years ago my son almost died in car accident after he got mad and left home. He starts yelling for his dad to get the ----out of the house and for me to decide between him or dad. I am afraid he is going to drive or walk out and get killed so I follow him outside. H gets dressed and leaves so son will calm down. H says very little during this--son outweighs him and is taller.
Next day while son is sleeping--I meet with H--tell him a few things 1)did he see son was crying whole time and that the anger was because he cares so much--H cries a little 2) told him I did not choose son over H ( H has accused me in past of putting him last) but that I was afraid for son's life and my real choice is for both--for our family. Told H I know he an Ow have chosen each other over everything--family, friends, but I see another choice for both family and us.
I asked him to stay over Sunday night after son and daughter were gone-we drove her to airport--as I said it would be hard missing daughter and with the previous night's drama. He did stay and we had a nice night ordered pizza and watched bball game.
I was feeling pretty good about everything even the drama with son because I think it made him realize a little more what it is gonna be like with kids if he goes with Ow BUT then tonight--monday he calls me to firm up Friday (gonna go to his mother's again to help out with stuff) On a hunch I drive by his apartment (he doesnt know I know where he lives) and her car is there and they are watching MOnd night football.
What does this all mean--he is in the small apartment with her and he is on the phone with me agreeing to come to dinner and stay over on Thursday night? He is very stupid emotionally--tells me what is going on at office and uses her name so casually etc. ANother example of his emotional retardation, after the son's blowup which included son saying he was having trouble dealing with my pain --H asks what was that all about? I had to tell him that yes, on occasion when son calls me I am a little down or lonely in the big old house and son can tell.
I dont know what to do at this point but just keep competing with her for time and being easy and carefree with him. He once again said how nice it its with her to talk about nothing intense, just joke and light banter, watch gameshows and sports and not talk about kids or heavy stuff. Little crack is appearing--he did say "except recently we have to talk about kids (ours--since hers dont know) because of the counselling we are doing and apparently that is not fun for them.
Thanks for lettimg me vent sorry for long post. Thoughts and comments are appreciated.
