Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Frosty Michael]

Call up each of the accounts, and ask to speak to an officer of the bank. Explain the situation, and that you are the one financially responsible for the payments, and that you're only trying to ensure that they get them on a timely basis. I think you said she's been late with these before; I would think they would want to work with you to get the payments to be more timely?

Puppy

SD, sorry sh!ts hitting the fan. I encourage Puppy's idea here. I work in a lending department for a bank and think the best thing you can do regarding this issue is to speak directly to your loan officer. Get his/her direct #, explain the entire situation, and call the officer on a monthly basis to make the payments if you can't do anything about the password issue. The bank wants a responsible person paying on time.

It sounded earlier in your thread that her brothers and you were on the same page. Use that. My in laws love me and I love them. They appreciate that I love and respect thier daughter. Don't let her draw you into conflict. If she's going to be crazy and vindictive and you can't stop her from ruining the crotches of your pants, just know that sane poeple (Iincluding her loved ones) will look at the situation and see you as a reasonable loving respectful spouse and her as ridiculous.

[SoldierDad]

Now, she is going ahead and paying all the bills-even though I told her that I was doing it. The joint account is going to be WAAAAAYYY overdrawn, as my check will not be deposited in there. Guess I am gonna be on the phone again tomorrow explaining all of this.

[Frosty Michael]

All, this is not the woman I married, I can tell you that. Yes, she has been combative in the past, not physical, but verbal. And yes, I put up with that sometimes. I am starting to see this side of her, and I don't like it very much. Evil, vindictive, spiteful. I dunno, I know I asked this before, but is this normal behavior?

Short answer... yes. It's "normal." And I totally understand and sympathize. My wife became spiteful, mean, nasty. After three months she started coming down off of it and started seeing me as a loved one again, if not a husband. But everyone's individual situation is different.


I don't think you've confirmed an affair yet right? But if it IS infidelity then there are all sorts of love chemicals altering her behavior that won't last forever. And you have become the obstacle to her "happiness" that she can demonize. It sucks. The woman you love is still there, but she sounds pretty darn inaccessable right now. Take care of yourself, plan carefully, and hopefully she'll re-emerge eventually. But if you take care of yourself and your kids you'll be better prepared for whatever comes next whether or not that involves her.

[SoldierDad]

She just called me again. Telling me how she wishes she would of never married me, she was going to F up my life and career. I just kept saying that I was sorry she felt that way. Then she just hung up. I am very concerned about the bills, and everything coming out twice. Not sure what to do, although there won't be any funds in there, so the worse that can happen is I get charged a service fee for NSF. No, no A confirmed yet. I dunno, it all seems to be spinning out of control now...

[Super Girl]

I think you need to stop taking her calls. You can't do anything about your sitch, and she's mindfuck!ng you right now. Let her stew in her own juices for a bit.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Agreed. You need to calm down, and she's riling you all up.

Worst case? The checks bounce, and you explain to your bank and to the payees what happened. Many will waive the service charges if you've had a good history with them. If not, it will cost you some $$$, but it's not the end of the world.

Your wife is out of control. You need to let her spin.

Puppy

[SoldierDad]

Ok, feel a little better. Just got off phone w/bank. They said worse case, some get through, that will O/D the account, but the O/D fees can be waived, and then I can sort of make payments to get the account back in good standing. I feel a little better, but still am very concerned about things. Sad Girl, I agree, I won't answer anymore, plus if I don't answer, she might leave me a nasty message that I can give to my attorney. I dunno, I thought I was in control, but I am starting to feel so OUT of control...

[Super Girl]

We all feel out of control, especially in the beginning. Your situation is magnified by being very far away from being able to do anything. Now that you know the bank stuff will work out, put this whole thing out of your mind. The only way to start feeling in control is to forget about her.

[bluerain]

Sd, you are in control, yes shes flipping out, but you are staying calm and getting things done. I hope in addition to any crazy lady messages that you are planning on giving to your attorney, you are saving those threatening emails to give to your att?

I agree with everyone else (and its not often that we agree!), you need to let her spin while you go and make plans for the great time you are going to have with your boys!

I vote for Schlitterbahn! (sp?) Its in Tx somewhere...

[SoldierDad]

Bluerain, I really do not feel in control. I am staying calm, at least I LOOK calm!! Inside, that's a whole different story. I am saving everything from her. I have alot of plans for the 2 weeks, but I have a feeling that she is going to have a say in that. I mean, I feel empowered, but then again, I feel so small. I feel like I am on an island, and I have so much to do, but i can't get off the island to do them. I will feel better after the next coupls days, when all the bills are paid. Please tell me things are going to get better...