WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[sandi2]

The holidays are going to be hard on you & the kids. S9 is the youngest and if he is turned a lot like your W then it is understandable that he feels a strong connection with her. He's so young and to me, he's still at that age that he wants & needs his mother's closeness. I'm sure he feels very insecure right now and that is normal b/c he is still a child. Don't beat yourself up too much for calling her about him. You can see where that would not be something you should make a habit of, but when you're very concerned about the welfare of your son you do what you feel you have to. You don't want him to end up with some of his mother's problems. Keeping him occupied as much as possible may help, but you know him better than anyone else, so you do what your gut tells you to do.

Does he have close friends? Kids seem to make it better if their friends are around them. Maybe one of them could spend some extra time with him during the holidays. Just a thought.

[MHL]

Having a hard time right now, my Dad and Wife loaded the kids up on tech stuff for an early Christmas and we are all back at home and the kids are driving me nuts with the demands of me to help them set up computers, ipods, playstations.(No my kids are not spoiled) I think the grandparents are trying to compensate for the difficult time everyone is going through. While they are happy the demands on me are ten fold and my W was the one that balanced my anxiety over this stuff. It is my issue and probably something that my W grew tired of over time and added to the downfall of the M. I find myself missing her right now she was the balance for me. I feel like I just want to run out of the house and not stop running. I haven't felt like this in a while and it reaching a critical mass for me. I want to call her but am not no matter what. She is the one that ran not only from me but the stress of the kids, money, bills, soccer, etc. I am hating her and missing her at the same time. It is not fair while I have been home taking care of the kids and the bills and the house 24/, she was out screwing who ever and whatever she wanted. I just want to yell at her at the top of my lungs and tell her just what I think, but I know I would just regret it later, that is why I kicked her out, I just got feed up and blew it. Just trying to vent here but I think I need to take advantage of having the Grandparents here and get out of the house. Will come back later.

[sandi2]

I feel like I just want to run out of the house and not stop running.

If it is causing you to want to react to what's going on in the household, then after years of that kind of stress.....your W must have felt that she needed an escape also. She did not choose a positive escape, needless to say.

So, did you get the computers, etc. put together or will you have that to face when you go back home? I'm wondering if your W always had to do the jobs that the kids needed done, the house, etc., b/c you got too stressed over that sort of thing. Or.....is it just now?

Realize that the holidays will not be an easy time. Prepare ahead of time. Talk to your kids after grandparents leave and tell them that it is going to take you & them working together as a team to help each other get through this season. Do they do as you tell them or do you need the "Nanny" to go get your home in control?

[MHL]

I'm back and in one piece, and no I did not run out of the house screaming like an idiot. I think I need a break from everything for a couple of hours, serious downtime. Last night I think I was tired from the night before, 2am talking to Dad and his W about the sitch.
Last night the kids were excited and rightly so it was in effect, Christmas for them. I was just overwhelmed and my mind homed in on my wife and how carefree her life has been since she has been out of the house. While I know she is in pain at times, she has been "doping up" with OM and it is like an anesthesia for her pain or loneliness. This I know but still it makes me angry when I think about how unappreciated, unacknowledged, disrespected I have been by my W. I know this is what I need to give up to God, which I did with the first A. Now my W's actions and lies to me, D13, S9, her C, my C, God, OM, everyone, and to herself eclipse anything I could ever conceive her capable of. I feel the anger helps me ignore her texts and stay dark but I know it will ultimately gnaw at me and eat me up. Still working on that and doing much better today.

So, did you get the computers, etc. put together or will you have that to face when you go back home? I'm wondering if your W always had to do the jobs that the kids needed done, the house, etc., b/c you got too stressed over that sort of thing. Or.....is it just now?

Actually, I have always been the one to do all of that stuff. My W did the cooking not much else over the last 18 months. My W never really did any of that stuff and relied on me to take care of it. Sometimes I would get stressed and she would calm me down, other times she would get mad that I was stressed. My stress usually manifested itself in being withdrawn which she was very sensitive to and picked up immediately. She would ask "What's wrong?" I would say "nothing" in fear of an argument with her and then bam, same outcome as if I had shared with her what I was feeling. Hindsight being 20/20, we just did not communicate well and let the little crap turn into a big dust up.

I got some of the stuff set up last night and finished up this morning. I did announce last night that I was beat (truth) and needed to go to bed early, amazing what sleep can do.

Talk to your kids after grandparents leave and tell them that it is going to take you & them working together as a team to help each other get through this season. Do they do as you tell them or do you need the "Nanny" to go get your home in control?

They have been wonderful about doing as they are told, especially D13. She has assumed the mother role to my S9 when I am not home which is everday for about 1-2 hours. I hate it b/c I do not want to rob her childhood from her but we are in survival mode and she knows it. When I think about what my D13 is doing, how much she loves her brother (even though they do fight) it brings tears to my eyes.

Update to sitch with wife and hospital is that I am not sure what is going on. I think she is out and is still at SIL out of town or W is back and SIL is with her. SIL texts to call her phone so W can talk to S9. I have not spoke to MIL in 3 days and I am not going to initiate there either b/c I don't want to know anything so I can continue to detatch. I felt good today when I did not respond to a text my W sent me to provoke an argument about cell phones. I realized there was no purpose to the text and remembered from DR not to be dragged into an argument. VICTORY!!!! I have been dark to her at least for 2 weeks and counting, I am trying to extend to her family and friends also. I am waiting and watching to see what she will do next, it is like a game and I just have to play my part until things change.

[sandi2]

I felt good today when I did not respond to a text my W sent me to provoke an argument about cell phones

Good for you! I first made a typo--and it read "god for you", then I realized that's right....God for you!

Victory is not always easy when we are doing what's right, but when we do what's right, we can always have victory in our heart.

[MHL]

I know God is good all the time and all the time God is good to me, my family, and yes even my W. I am hopeful for us but try not to get emotionally involved in that hope. I think that is the hardest part of doing "what is right" for getting the M back on track,

I feel the anger helps me ignore her texts and stay dark but I know it will ultimately gnaw at me and eat me up.

I feel the anger, and I don't feel it all the time, helps me do what I need to in order to win her back. I am reluctant to let it go until I start to see some responses from her. I don't want to use anger as a tool but for now I will, I am praying about it daily.
My wife was having SIL to text me to have S9 call her back in order to talk with his mother. I think all of that is silly so last night I ignored the text from SIL. I was surprised that I did not get a text or call from W to talk to S9. There was no call or text tonight from my W nor SIL and S9 did not ask to call so I just let it go. He was happy when I tucked him in and said prayers so I did not want to remind him that Mom is not here. While this does not make me mad, it does surprise me that she would not attempt to call him. If I think about it she is probably terrified at the thought of having to speak to me at all, given all that she has done and lied about. She must be terribly conflicted. I stop there b/c I trying to guess what she is thinking is not part of the plan.

Still watching and waiting and GALing. I have to remind myself that this is going to take a while.

[P17]

If I think about it she is probably terrified at the thought of having to speak to me at all, given all that she has done and lied about. She must be terribly conflicted. I stop there b/c I trying to guess what she is thinking is not part of the plan.

She could also be in a huff? That's what W goes into sometimes when I don't respond to her. WAS are a funny lot. The world must revolve around them.

[MHL]

Unfortunately I had to break the NC today, I had to close our joint checking account b/c SIL withdrew some money last week w/o consulting me. I had to send an email to W's work detailing a financial separation that would work in the short term. I also sent a text alerting her that there was an email sent in case she was not back at work yet and that I could send the email elsewhere. Honestly I don't think my W will get paid today b/c of her absense from work but I do not know b/c of lack of any communication. In both my email and my text I expressed that I hoped she was feeling better and that I was concerned about her well being, no professions of love nor pleas to get back together. I have done my due diligence and I think that she is playing a game. Again, I will play my part until something changes.

[P17]

Unfortunately I had to break the NC today,

Did you REALLY have to contact her about that? Do you have an IM?

[MHL]

I have not set up an IM yet, when I have more time I will. The last post I made was from work and then got busy and could not look at the thread anymore. After work it is full on Daddy mode until now 10:45pm.

I did have to send a text and an email only but there was no response. We rely/ or relied I should say on both our incomes to survive as do many families do these days. Right or wrong it is a fact, probably triggered, no definitely triggered the downfall of the M earlier this year. I don't think she is back to work yet. I think she is still out of town at SIL's but is out of hospital but is still being treated on an outpatient basis, just a guess at this point. So w/o any of her income coming in I had to make some decisions and I still want to be nice about things and not create more tension between us but I had to separate financially so that I can keep the house and the kids afloat.

My D13 and I spoke tonight about my W, and the possibility of them starting some sort of reconciliation but it is still too soon and I only touched on the subject. My D13 went on to tell me that my W had asked her to lie to me about having extra phones which I knew and I have come to find out that she has openned multiple credit cards. I have to pull my credit asap to make sure I am not liable for the debt she is incurring. The rabbit hole is getting deeper each day. I really am in touch with a statement Michele has in DR that talks about the marriage map and the final stage of M when, "the alien that abducted your spouse is kind enough to return the person to you that you met so many years ago". I truly do not know this person that is my W, she has abandoned all the morals,qualities and principles that I thought made up the fabric of who she is/was. I don't love the person she is right now, I love the person she was, that is the person I want back.

I will finish on a positive note for the night. On top of all this cr*p that has happened this year in my M. I am having to change job locations, just locally not out of town but still not a good thing right now. For the past 3 years I have worked 2 miles from my home and my kids' schools are just 1 mile from the house. I had work, home, and school inside about a 2 mile radius which has been a gift from God. Tomorrow I have to travel 25 miles one way to work, no increase in pay just an arbitrary move, but at least I still have my job. Well tonight in the car I was telling my children that tomorrow night I would not be home as soon b/c of my job location change. They knew and or sensed that I was not happy about it, which of course I am not. My S9 said something that reminded me just how much God does love me tonight. My S9 said from the back seat, "Dad, remember from church, God puts you right where he wants you for a reason and I bet you will find out the reason why tomorrow." Thank God for my children they are truly blessings from Him, and sometimes, no a lot of times they lift us up when we are down. Thank goodness it was dark already otherwise my kids would have seen the tears rolling down my face as we drove home listening to Christmas music. In our darkest hour sometimes we have to look at the world through our children's eyes to realize just how much we have to be thankful for and that we are surrounded by God's love.