Maybe it was #4 She just called. And P17 does not read minds so P17 leaves it at that and goes and deals with some very important family matters. Give your daughter a big hug from all of us. And ask her to give you a big hug from all of us.
Maybe it was #4 She just called. And P17 does not read minds so P17 leaves it at that and goes and deals with some very important family matters. Give your daughter a big hug from all of us. And ask her to give you a big hug from all of us.
#4 it is. Thanks.
Will be seeing my D shortly after school. Hugs are on the menu.
It may seem strange but posting in here keeps my mind off of the current situation.
Last edited by P17; 11/30/0901:22 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Brainstorming here is good! It is the actions that we take which matter, not the feelings or thoughts but brainstorming helps to weigh decisions that lead to actions.
W called but did not leave a message. How about #5 YOU DID NOT CALL HER BACK (your ACTION) which is another message to her that you are serious about NC.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I've had not too bad a day. I'm getting slightly more motivated than I have been but far from acceptable!
My mum's funeral has been arranged for a week today. Trying to think of things to say - not sure whether I will say anything or not. I'm still concerned about my reaction to this situation so I'm just going to go with the flow and feel how I feel and accept that it will come to me eventually whether it's days, weeks or months.
@cutterbug
That's on my wardrobe door now - I will see that every morning when I wake. I am most definitely living in the solution now. I am no longer part of the problem.
@newmama
You're right. I didn't call her back. That was my decision and I feel stronger each time I ignore contact.
That has been three times now since NC letter was sent. W will hopefully get the message eventually although cutterbug (I think it was) doesn't think so. She can't keep contacting me and me keep ignoring her - she must eventually understand that I am ignoring her and NC means NC. If she wants contact she goes through IM. That is what she is there for!
NC in this instance is for me and it's working at the moment as I feel incredibly strong, so much so that friends have noticed it. I have been speaking with a positive outlook, but strong and confident and determined. If WAS saw me now she'd wonder who on earth I was as that clingy, needy, weakling she left is now well and truly gone and I hope for good.
However a tiny bit of us does NC in the hope that it brings WAS back - let's be honest about that. I think this will end my M and not fix it but in this case it is giving me the strength to accept that and move on. That is also what NC is for.
Have wavered a few times today. Miss W. Love W. Want to contact W. But I recognised that each time, dealt with it and moved on.
I spoke to a friend today about Separation Agreement. W said she was speaking to a solicitor three weeks ago yet I still have no signed paperwork or an alternative agreement. Sods law it will come in tomorrow now, however it looks like the woman who wanted a 'divorce as quickly as possible' is dragging her feet. It's also ironic that it is me who now wants the separation agreement done quickly (which isn't quite a divorce) and not her!
My mum would be so proud of me and my strength just now. She was a strong woman and I get it from her.
Last edited by P17; 11/30/0909:57 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
P17 reread my thread. I think it will give you some time lines on the contact game. You will see how similar it all is.
You just take a time out from the marriage situation and please let family help you with the death of your mother. This is more important right now. Make sure you let it out and take all you have learned in the last few months on how to deal with grief and grief the loss.
P17 reread my thread. I think it will give you some time lines on the contact game. You will see how similar it all is.
Cutter, just read your entire post and added one of my own to your Going Dark in the Winter thread. Our sitch's are similar. I await the end of yours (IYSWIM) but I know whichever way it goes you will be fine.
Went to W's work today as I needed a bottle of wine (I said before it is the only place here that sells it). W was working although managed to avoid her all the way to the checkouts. Had a female friend (and she is just a friend but W doesn't know her) with me and she noticed W looking over at us at the checkout. I never noticed as I completely ignored W. In fact I had hoped she would be on a break while we were in.
I noticed a few others in the shop had been looking at us too. The looks weren't happy ones either. Rather 'wondering' / curious ones bordering on disapproving. This was definitely different, as the last few times I have visited the shop everybody was looking away! I just ignored everybody and was as upbeat as ever.
I may have misread them but I wonder why on earth they disapprove of me when I haven't actually done anything! I thought they all knew about the W's A!
Cutter, I also took something from your thread that your mum said to WAS. If I am cornered by W into communicating with her either by phone call or in person for example (ie. she catches me off foot and I can't avoid her), I will be asking her one simple question - is there still a third person in our marriage / are you still having an affair. If the answer is Yes, then I will say there is nothing for us to talk about yet and end the contact.
Anyway, off to see my IC tonight. That will be a difficult visit. I have much to talk about.
Last edited by P17; 12/01/0904:27 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Don't ask the question. Keep that one back. It is yours to use when she decides to come back. Don't throw it away. If she emails ignore. Phone call... Short and sweet and end it. Remember the words " I will think about that. Gotta run. "
Nothing more.
I got that look as well when I was out with a friend and bumped into her friends. It was interesting to say the least.
Now you know what. You can go back in there again with your friend. Not this week but maybe in 2 weeks. Grab another bottle of wine.
You do not have to say anything. Except smile and look into her eyes when she talks.
3rd party will take care of the rest.
And the good thing is that this person is a friend. NOT WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.
Games can be fun.
I am going out with that girl on Friday. Going to post some new pictures on facebook of her and I together and have it open to friends of friends can see it. So WAS will be able to see pictures of me out with the same woman 2 months later.
