Still in the tunnel with hubby

[Augtan]

K, you seem to be holding up sooo well. I don't know what I would do in your situation. I have kinda come to the conclusion that I don't think it is worth living on pins and needles, even if it's not forever, life is so short even a year feeling that way again is not worth it. Do you think you will ever completely trust him again, and do you want to live feeling that way? My XH came home after a separation and did exactly what yours is doing, and it was awful to live each day wondering if today was the day he would leave again, the day I would find out he was back with OW, etc. He got so defensive of me "checking up" on him and since I have found out he was back with OW and he needed to be that way for a reason, he was doing me wrong yet again.

I am in no way saying your H is with old OW or new OW. Each case is soooo very different. You really seem to be doing a lot better than I did, I didn't do DB at all, I didn't know about it back then. And, I am not saying to give up at all!! I would never tell anyone to do that, but really search your soul and ask yourself if you really want to be pulled in different directions almost constantly, with no real peace. I love my XH still, I am making changes for me, but my house and my heart is much more peaceful not having him in my life each day wondering what crazy thing he is going to say or do next. My kids are more at peace too, they have huge issues, but they know what they are coming home to each day, and it isn't a Dad who changes with the wind and is on his own personal roller-coaster, flighty, in and out of the tunnel each day, and constantly taking cracks and mean jabs at their mom.

Again, please don't take this as I am telling you to give up or even hinting at it, but you deserve the best, peace in your heart and normalicy. Hang in there, I feel for you in a big way!!

A