HELP! H CALLED TONIGHT AND STATED HE WANTS TO COME STAY AT THE HOUSE. HE CALLED ME AT THREE IN THE MORNING FOR NO REASON THEN TEXT ME IN THE MORNING ASKING IF HE CAN COME STAY AT HOME AGAIN CAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO STAY AT HIS SISTERS ANYMORE. NOT SURE WHAT THIS ALL MEANS. HE IS HOME NOW. IM NOT YET. WHAT DO I DO! HELP! I FEEL LIKE THIS IS HIS WAY OF COMING HOME AGAIN HE HIS JUST SCARED TO SAY IT.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
HELP! H CALLED TONIGHT AND STATED HE WANTS TO COME STAY AT THE HOUSE. HE CALLED ME AT THREE IN THE MORNING FOR NO REASON THEN TEXT ME IN THE MORNING ASKING IF HE CAN COME STAY AT HOME AGAIN CAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO STAY AT HIS SISTERS ANYMORE. NOT SURE WHAT THIS ALL MEANS. HE IS HOME NOW. IM NOT YET. WHAT DO I DO! HELP! I FEEL LIKE THIS IS HIS WAY OF COMING HOME AGAIN HE HIS JUST SCARED TO SAY IT.
Relax. Take deep breaths.
Nothing has really changed, except that he's not over there any more. You still work on your 180's and GAL.
If he wants to get romantic or ML, you reinforce (or set?) the boundary -- "Until you decide what you want to do, it's too confusing for me to be intimate with you."
Avoid R talk until he's really to work with you.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I recommend that you tell him that before he comes home that you want to know the reason(s). IF he doesn't give you the correct answers, (and don't compromise on what answers will make you feel safe that he WANTS to be there for YOU and the kids) then tell him it is a lot to digest right now and that YOU need some time to think. If he asks you what you want to think about then tell him that you just need time to think and are not sure how you feel right now. (keep on that theme)
Remember the main key is NO PRESSURE. Don't reveal how you feel right now. Tell him you aren't sure how you feel because if he can up and leave so easily once, then he can do it again and that you don't want to live with someone like that.
Be nice, be firm, be confident and don't be easy. Don't say too much. Be matter of fact. IF he says the correct things then your answer is still somewhat the same. You want to know what is preventing him from doing it again. You won't allow it to happen again because you will be DONE. If that is all he thinks of marriage and relationships, then you don't NEED it. (this will also set you up in good shape if he should happen to leave again because you will be able to remind him of what YOU said and that you MEANT it.)
Do you see what can happen when you make a man curious by creating mystery? Don't underestimate those flowers and the way you have behaved in the last few days. It is WORKING.
Okay. Thanks everyone. Im scared but I know I can handle this. I will need help from all of you. This is the hard part. Going home soon. Out with a friend right now. Yikes
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Britt, now is when the truly hard work begins. Take it from me, I was you a couple of weeks ago, remember. Stand firm, stay strong and confident. I have fallen more times that I can count since his statement that he was returning. (He told me recently that he was coming home no matter what I said when he 'asked'.)
DRing when they are home seems SO difficult for me. I am warning you ahead of time so you aren't shocked. I hope you have the strength to hold out and hold on. Good Luck. I will be checking back for an update.
Me: 33 / H: 36 M: 10y / T: 14y 3 kids BD: 2/22/14 Live in separation 3/8/14 H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14 H moved out 4/25/14 2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
PIGA Thanks. I have been keeping up with your sitch and watching how your NEW sitch is progressing. I haven't commented as I've been quite busy but thanks for checking in on me! Yes, i'm in your shoes now, I will be tagging along with you as well to see how it progresses. I noticed it was hard at the beginning, very worried about that. As we haven't really discussed what's happening. He pretty much told me he wants to come home, came home with kids, suitcase and all. No discussion. Hung out tonight, watched t.v. H went to spare room and I went to our room. We'll see I guess.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
LOL! Ok, so now we really are in the same boat. H is in the spare room too. Listen, don't talk about the R too much...if at all. Just keep playing it cool, be happy, go out, have a life and be fine when he goes out for his. These are all things I have messed up on big time. Do not look for validation or reassurances. Expect nothing!! Nothing at all. That way if something good happens you will be plesantly surprised.
You can do this, I can do this. It is time we reached deep down for that hidden inner strength we both possess. This is the time to show him how amazing you are and how family life should be. Give him space but allow him to see that you are there.
Good luck, I will keep up with you!
Me: 33 / H: 36 M: 10y / T: 14y 3 kids BD: 2/22/14 Live in separation 3/8/14 H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14 H moved out 4/25/14 2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
Do you see what can happen when you make a man curious by creating mystery? Don't underestimate those flowers and the way you have behaved in the last few days. It is WORKING.
yep.
no one, not even the dumper, likes to get dumpped. ever hear: "Youre not breaking up with me! I'm breaking up with you!"
I wouldnt doubt someone had a little talk with your husband and told him you keep this up and your wife's gonna find herself a new man. So he may be moving home to keep tabs on you. I would lay down some serious ground rules as to when he is going out and knowing where he is.
