feel like giving up - talk to me!

[Bridgestone]

I am not seeing a therapist.

.... get thee to a therapist.... they will give you somewhere to vent, face-to-face, someone with expertise in how to deal with your specific issues.

If after the first session or two you aren't comfortable.. find another one. It took me 3 to find one I clicked with.

We haven't been to marriage counseling in 15 years.

forget MC for now... based on research, it makes matters with an abuser worse.

It was back then when our pastor (a degreed counselor) told me that I am dealing with a cold cold man. I should have ran then huh?

It is what it is. Having 'hope' for change is not a bad thing.. knowing when change is possible (or not) is what one needs to temper that hope with.

he HAS sucked the life out of me if you knew me you would be shocked to think I would take this kind of stuff. My friends think my husband is a great guy and they actually think I'm a strong woman who would never put up with this. I don't tell them what I go through.

Oh sweetie.. my heart bleeds for you with this one. I so understand that. This is not uncommon in abusive situations at all. To feel like & act like a chameleon. Be one person at work & with friends... be someone totally different in your marriage to keep the peace... it is draining.

You are finding your strength that is present in other situations in your life and recognizing that you want that in all parts (including your M) & won't settle for less & you shouldn't have to.

I know I need to focus on myself. To save myself. I know this.

It's not selfish to save yourself.. it's self preservation.

Something my IC told me early on in my journey.

Self-preservation is the key to self-love;
Self-love is the key to self-acceptance;
Self-acceptance is the key to all relationships.

Keep posting
Peace
Bridge