Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Well, I just finished getting all the account numbers, and changing the payment method so that I pay everything except her car. I will have to deposit some $$ into the joint account to pay some bills I can't get to - electricity, gas/water/trash, cable. But it was extremely empowering to finally take care of all that, and know that they will in fact get paid on time. The person that is "spewing", is NOT the woman I have children with. Knowing how WAS reacts, what should I expect next from her???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

More spew.

[SoldierDad]

Puppy, I am SURE of that!!! What I am talking about is what are some of the things she is going to do/say in the coming days/weeks/months? I really want to be prepared for anything, if that is even possible. Thanks again.

[Frosty Michael]

SoldierDad,

Thank you for your service, and I'm sorry for your sitch. I don't think I could possibly give you better advice than you've been getting. I guess i'll just add that patience and personal/family responsibilty will be your best weapons. Keep that moral high ground.

-Michael

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Puppy, I am SURE of that!!! What I am talking about is what are some of the things she is going to do/say in the coming days/weeks/months? I really want to be prepared for anything, if that is even possible. Thanks again.

More than I have the time to go into detail about here, but for now I would encourage you to steel yourself for both SPEW, and -- when she sees that doesn't work with you anymore -- THE EXACT OPPOSITE (sweetness).

She will try a different tactic if and when you hold your ground on the spew, and you need to be prepared for it, and don't go all "melty man" on us now. lol

Puppy

[sandycay]

Ok

I just want to say. Thank you for volunteering in the Armed Services and putting yourself in harms way to help protect our freedoms. You are loved, prayed for, and repsected from all the way across that big ocean.

You take the high road with your W and I'll take the low road. That's what my friend says... she rags ass on my H and I let her cause it feels good to let someone else do it LOL not productive for me to do it.

That said it really pisses me off that your W is doing this while you are gone but even more so giving the circumstances you are in. I wish she could be dropped in and live your life for one day. Makes me so darned angry for you.

The whole threat about your CO is jokeable... what would they say about her planning to withhold your children while your on leave from a FREAKING war zone. It's good she is foolish enough to put this in writing. As the others say you need a good attorney and but let her bury herself first.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I am concerned for your safety and want to make sure that your head is in the place when you are on duty. Do it for your kids.

Plus on the upside... good men in uniforms look hot..... just remember that. Put your manly soldier face on and know that you are honorable, dependable, trustworthy, a loving father, and you don't need to take her spew anymore.

Be Safe!

[bluerain]

Sandy, men in uniform are hot!

Ahem, Hi Soldierdad. Im glad that you got some of the finances in order. Im sure that it was empowering, and it gave you something else to think about! I also agree that the reason that she is being so nasty is that you arent playing into her plan that shes been working so hard on, AND its been playing out so smoothly until you had to come along and spoil it all! I picture the WAS stomping their little feet and poking their bottom lip out like a 2 year old. At least I know that it made my 31 y/o H turn into an angsty, bitchy 14 year old boy.

I would certainly be prepared to hear "I dont want to hurt you, but YOU made me do this!" Some how, it will be ALL your fault, Im sure. I heard "No one understands!" more than once- I finally told him "Im sorry that you cant find someone to tell you that abandoning your marriage for a married woman is a good idea!"

Dont let her get you twisted and make you forget that you know what the right thing to do is.

[Frosty Michael]

I picture the WAS stomping their little feet and poking their bottom lip out like a 2 year old. At least I know that it made my 31 y/o H turn into an angsty, bitchy 14 year old boy.

I would certainly be prepared to hear "I dont want to hurt you, but YOU made me do this!" Some how, it will be ALL your fault, Im sure.

I'll second this! My WAS had a MAJOR emotional regression and threw tantrums any time something didn't go her way back in the thick of her affair. They expect to be able to control every scrap of information and action on both ends. Take some secret stoic delight in squashing that notion!

[SoldierDad]

Ok, need some help!!! Evidently when I changed the mortgage info, and other bills info, they sent her a courtesy e-mail. This is what she sent me in response:

[censored] do not [censored] with the bills i have never not paid the bills stop [censored] around or i will [censored] your bike up do not push me one more time ....

Also, while I was typing this, she called me and told me basically the same thing, calling me names, saying she would F up my Harley, my life, career etc... I told her that I was sorry she felt that way, and that I was only protecting myself and the family because she was irresponsible with money. Also, just read the e-mail again-she cc'd her brothers on it. Previously, she had not brought her brothers into the M. They all agree with me, on what she is doing. What do I do now? Thoughts???

[Deep]

Umm, I'm not sure Coach, Greek, Puppy et al will respond at this time ...

but just as a suggestion, do nothing? Don't react. If and when she does contact you again, tell her calmly you do not appreciate being verbally abused and disrespected, that you'll appreciate if communications can be at least civil.

Been silently following your thread, hang in there.