Cinco, I understand what you say. Indeed, it's my fantasy to be able to focus all my energy on one woman. But as long as my wife doesn't want sex, for that to happen I have to make a lot of changes I do NOT look forward to. You say, "then find a new partner". Well, it's just not that simple. Easy to say when it's not your family. But finding a new partner means "getting rid" of the old one, splitting up the family, moving, etc., etc. And then I think, for what? When I already have a good relationship, minus the sex, with my wife?
What I'm still having trouble with is seeing how I should put everyone through all these changes just so dad can have appropriate sex a few hours a week. As if what happened behind closed doors in that regard actually mattered to anybody else.
The distinction I see here in practical terms, with regard to energy being spent somewhere, is the difference between a love affair and occasional friend-with-benefits arrangements, or encounter at the night club. There is no woman who is expecting me to leave my wife, etc. I'm not in a fog trying to decide between another woman and my wife, for example, at least not at this time (I realize that could change, and that's a risk). If tomorrow morning my wife seduced me and told me she's going to be sexual again, and she wanted me to be exclusive with her, I'd be ready to fulfill that plan immediately. That's what really matters in my mind.
I don't see that it matters a whole lot how I take care of my physical needs in the meantime, whether I take care of it by myself in the bathroom, or at the strip club, or occasionally with a friend. I really don't see how that's any of my kids' business or anyone else's. The big threshold for me is falling deeply in love with someone, and especially them with me. That's where it really can get tricky for me. And I've been careful to avoid that. Sure, I know that's not ideal, it's just what I've done.
