He wants to come home....HELP!

[praying_in_GA]

SD - you are right. He came home and I lost my sense of self. I know I am expecting too much too fast. I love him. I want to spend time with him but the time we spend together is miserable. He is trying not to lead me on and I am trying to show him I love him. It doesn't work well.

I find it is hard for me to go out and do stuff because I always have the kids. Always. My grandparents watch them as much as they can but I really don't have other help. He works 6 days a week from 8-6. When he is at work he is hanging out with the same guys he is going to the bars with. His work is not hard or actually requires the full 10 hours he is there. I asked him if any of his other guys works 6 days a week, he said no. I asked if he could cut back to 5 days a week, he said why?

I got off track. Anyway, my job is hard on me. I work 12 hour nights with no one to watch the kids the day after. I am always sleep deprived. If I want to gout during the day I have to plan it around my 2 hours of sleep I get in the afternoons. Going to dayshift is not an option.

I never thought I would be here, and I thought I was making the most of it. I never realized that by praying he would come home I was creating a whole new set of issues within myself. I have lost the old H and gained this new, less involved one. Adjusting is hard.

Thanks for the words, I will re-read them many times tonight.