feel like giving up - talk to me!

[TrentC]

I want to make it clear my H is not physically abusive. He has shoved me (when we were younger) when he was drunk and angry at me and once here in our home about 8 yrs ago in an argument. Other than that he does not touch me or is not violent. He is emotionally abusive which is way worse for me!

No, he is also physically abusive. That face-slapping thing was beyond the pale.

The fact that you're lucky that he's only been physical a couple of times (although now it's escalated from the occasional anger-fueled incident to something that's "funny") is just that -- luck. You can't fix or work with an abusive spouse. You can only leave.

I have to say, though, I don't understand this:

I was joking with my son and went to smack him.

Why are you slapping your son? Is it like patty-cake-play slapping? There's a weird dynamic here...