Help... I need to stop reacting!

[Deep]

Hey rocked, you may not read this for some time, given you've gone for some alone time. That's great, and I do hope it helps clear your mind.

What are you angry about? The advice? Your H? the whole sitch?

We're all supportive of you here and it's understandable if the sitch gets to you ... hey you're human.

Having said that, please allow me to add that there's some pretty good (if blunt) advice in the last couple of pages. You're starting to make excuses for your H. "not a pathological liar but had to lie due to bad choices"? Far as I can see, he was (is?) a pathological liar as far as the A is concerned, and the A is not over.

You're letting impatience and the longing for your M to be ok, the need for your H, to cloud your mind now. Just my honest opinion.

Steve is right that if OW "is in control" the A is not over, rather your M is. Why should your H be even bothered if she should feel in control. Do you seriously believe that if she does not then harm will come to your family? He is having an A - you can throw the "but he is a nice guy generally and does not want her to be hurt" out the window.

And why is he hoping SHE would stop contact? That's a HUGE copout. Sorry, I just don't believe there is real remorse now even if the heavy-hitter posters do. H is either weak, choosing to be weak, or surrendering all responsibility for the ending of the A. Remorse HAS to come with making decisions and responsibility.

Really just my opinion again, but H seems to be changing the flavor, heck maybe even the whole cake, but cake eating still nonetheless.

Yes, you do have to be patient with H, but there is a difference between being patient and working through difficulties and allowing compromises that will come back to haunt you.

The non-disclosure of passwords is a yellow flag. It cold simply be that there are details he is really ashamed of and from which he wants to spare you. It could be he has a cache of old love emails which he is keeping, and which reflects the part of him that still can't let go of OW. It could be in keeping with this "OW should be the one to cut contact" BS where it is not his fault if she emails him, and he could go on wallowing in his angst whenever he feels like it. It could be all of the above and more.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. It's hard but I think you still know you'll come out ok.