Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

P17, you seem to have good insight into my sitch. My WH is trying to control the sitch because he is out of control. So I do understand how you are saying how NC will get him angry. Makes sense. I'll have to tough it out. He's a prideful, entitled man, so he'll be mighty angry.

Today I delayed in responding to his email asking for me to write him a check for money his co deposited into the acct for his classes. His comments were provoking. Like calling our joint acct, my acct and for me to write him a check from it. When I did reply it was short, but not sweet. He replied with info that I don't care about... that he has extended negociations and will return from his trip on Friday. Why would I need to know that? He's lied so much that I can't believe anything anymore. He seems to be giving extra details to me and the kids about what he is doing and where he is. (Keep telling myself, detach, doesn't matter.)

I agree that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'm going to get the same results. And I guess I have to accept that it does seem like WH will not return if I go completely NC and that's what I'm afraid to deal with. I need to though. I know I sound confused, because I am. I don't want him, but I do.

I wasn't comfortable with IC telling me that I need to file. My IC said he isn't filing because he is probably waiting for OW to give up waiting on him to file against me. She thinks he feels stuck and afraid to mess things up at work. Does that make sense to anyone? I probably shouldn't care. I don't think if I file that would work to make him come back either.

I also agree that trying again will be harder than ending it. I totally see it.