I agree with DQ on the TRUTH (Great post DQ!). And SillyBear yes, Mrs. Cinco now knows about the affairs (as well as other sordid things). The truth I thought would destroy my marriage. To my surprise and delight it has actually strengthened it and has given me back the marriage I wanted all along but was too blind to see.
ssmguy do listen to what DQ is trying to tell you. She says these things from her heart because she knows first hand, as I do, what it is like to live in denial. We know what it is like to want something so much, yet deny ourselves with our own actions.
Pay particular attention to the wasting of your energies DQ spoke of. This was the thing that I never saw over the years. There was no sex in my marriage because I didn't focus my sexual energy inside of my marriage. If you find you are a sexual being and your partner is not, then find a new partner that is. To live life split in two - a double-life - is not sustainable.
I felt as if I was dying. I had no energy for my family because they only had half of me. If you end up meeting and falling in love with someone like I did, then your emotional energy leaves your family as well. All they have left is a shell that provides a paycheck. (BTW the lover only gets half too and you break their heart when they find they can't have it all either.)
I do hear all of your arguments for justifying sex-on-the-side... They are the same things I told myself too. Still one day you will wake up and see the truth as I did. If you face it sooner, rather than later, you will be able to live as a sexual being in the light of day. I'm here to tell you that it feels great not to have to hide this part of myself any longer. To be able to focus all of my energies on the one woman that I love feels wonderful. I'm not talking morales, it feels good to me. It's all I had to do all along, I just never saw it in my dazed selfish state.
I know you may not be able to win your wife back. (I thought I would be walking away from my marriage. I never imagined it could change as it has... We both have changed and grown.) You won't regret starting now to find your truth. You are the only one that can find this.
Truth is not hidden though. As long as you are hiding, there is no truth.
