I've heard people talk about being friends post D. My W seems to think this s possible, but I'm with you. I don't really want it. Why would I want to be friends with someone who would treat me like this?
Can I get a witness!?!?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I'm with you. If my W goes through with D without giving the M a second chance I just can't imagine being friends. I can imagine being civil for the sake of the kids -- but talk on the phone, do favors for each other kind of friends. No.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Long version: If any friend demonstrated - proved - to me that his/her word, promise, commitment (let alone vow) was meaningless - worthless - that would be proof-positive that he/she ended our friendship at that point.
"Friendy"? Yes "Civil" (even tho I hate that word)? Yes. Friend? Afraid not. Too late.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I've heard people talk about being friends post D. My W seems to think this s possible, but I'm with you. I don't really want it. Why would I want to be friends with someone who would treat me like this?
Can I get a witness!?!?
Amen!! My W has said "I hope can be friends and not be at each other's throats like some couples who are divorced." (cake eating)
My response was long the lines of what Gardener said;"I will always be civil to you. Being petty and nasty is beneath me. But friends? You walked out on me with no warning. In what way are you my friend?"
Last edited by Norm914; 12/01/0902:09 AM.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
Words to keep in mind, gang. I keep trying to figure out how I'll be good friends with him, and I could never wrap my mind around it. I can be cordial (someday) for the sake of the kids, but I can't see myself being friends with someone I don't trust right now.
Other than a few finance related exchanges, I haven't spoken to my H much. I have not seen him in 10 days. Am I even DB when I never see him and only speak occasionally in text or email.
Also, our D11 got an award at school today. She didn't invite him, so I didn't push it. Should I send him some of the photos?
Finally, my mother is driving me nuts. She talks about lawyers and D more than my H. I don't whine and complain to her, so it's not a matter of her wanting me out of pain. She has just decided to hate my H and wants him gone forever. I finally snapped and told her to stop harassing me and told her I know what needs to be done. She got huffy and said goodbye.
I don't think I'd send any photos to H. I could see him taking it two ways, and neither is good. He could think you were trying to pile guilt on him, or he could think getting a few photos makes him dad. Either way, it's not helpful.
Your mom.... well, you know that she thinks she has your best interests at heart. So try to remember that. And it's not like H hasn't given her reason to hate him. I think maybe you can tell her that you appreciate her support, and you understand why she thinks you should be doing more. But that you understand what needs to be done, and that you are taking care of it. Make sure that she knows that you are doing what needs to be done to protect yourself and the kids (you are, right?), and that everything else will happen in its time.
You are doing great! Hang in there!
On being friends.... there's a whole continuum of what the relationship with an X can look like. I don't think I will consider my X a friend, yet if I can do something to help her, I would. Mostly because it will be good for the kids. I don't like her very much, but I'm not interested in doing anything to hurt her, either.
Okay, I'll skip the photos. I just know that I would want some if they were with him, so I thought it might be a good thing to do.
Yes, I'm looking out for the kids. I'm going to visit with my mom and tell her she really isn't helping right now. She is just adding to the pressure.
I don't know if I'm doing great, and I doubt I'm DBing since we have no contact, BUT, I do know that I feel better about whatever is going to happen, and that's a plus.
I think I feel pretty much like you on the "friends" thing. Take Kevin's sitch for example, I can see us eventually sitting together at a funtion for the kids. Sitting apart is just weird to me. Seems like it would make the child uncomfortable.
