feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

(((G))) thank you - I needed that and of course you can call me out on my stuff. I can take the criticism from others' but I don't want to be made out to be something I'm not. Yes..my H can gross me out by his behavior (like ignoring me?) it's just not mature no matter the situation..it's plain disrespectful.

I was joking with my son and went to smack him. I walked by H and he slapped me in the face yesterday (said he was joking) but he hit me kinda hard and it hurt the hell out of my feelings - see? I just let it go - I walked away and said it wasn't funny - guess I don't have reason to gross out huh?

I guess I am the crazy one here.

[TrentC]

I do meet him...more than half way. I guess that's why I'm so resentful. I feel like he should do the same.

He should, but he's not ready to do so yet. You can't make this run on your timetable until you start setting boundaries.

[luvless]

I understand Trent - thanks for your post - I'm listening.

[Kettricken]

Slapping someone in the face hard enough that it hurts -- in fact, slapping them in the face at all if it's not very clearly in mutual play -- is abuse, plain and simple. If that's what's going on in your marriage, you have bigger problems than being ignored, and you have my sympathies. I imagine it would be very easy to despise such a person.

That said, we don't know what you don't divulge until you divulge it. So you might wanna dial back on the sarcastic 'tude.

[TrentC]

Slapping someone in the face hard enough that it hurts -- in fact, slapping them in the face at all if it's not very clearly in mutual play -- is abuse, plain and simple. If that's what's going on in your marriage, you have bigger problems than being ignored, and you have my sympathies. I imagine it would be very easy to despise such a person.

Agreed. That's a whole other kettle of fish.

That said, we don't know what you don't divulge until you divulge it. So you might wanna dial back on the sarcastic 'tude.

Exactly. You want good advice, provide good information. We're not mind-readers.

[Gnosis]

I was joking with my son and went to smack him. I walked by H and he slapped me in the face yesterday (said he was joking) but he hit me kinda hard

L, I'm absolutely fuming MAD right now.

NO WOMAN should EVER have to stand for that kind of treatment. I honestly don't know why you're still around if this is the way you're being treated. This is NOT the way a man behaves. This is not immature. This is not sarcastic. This is ABUSE!!

it hurt the hell out of my feelings - see?

More than I wanted to see.

I just let it go - I walked away and said it wasn't funny - guess I don't have reason to gross out huh?

You should NOT have let it go. And boy, do you have reason to gross out. Please sweetie, stand up for yourself. This man is a BULLY. Next time he lays a hand on you, face him and look him in the eye and say, "If you EVER lay a hand on me again I'll call the cops and have you brought up on assault charges. And you can explain your jokes to a judge. Do I make myself clear?" -- Keep your voice cool and forceful, not angry.

I guess I am the crazy one here.

You are NOT crazy. You hear me?

L, I have the utmost respect for you. You have shown remarkable restraint. Just please don't accept any more of this kind of treatment.

[luvless]

I want to make it clear my H is not physically abusive. He has shoved me (when we were younger) when he was drunk and angry at me and once here in our home about 8 yrs ago in an argument. Other than that he does not touch me or is not violent. He is emotionally abusive which is way worse for me!

I hear you guys - I hated mentioning that slap thing but it goes to show you what I deal with - like G said - a bully. He does bully me emotionally so that fits.

I am so appreciative of all your thoughts and help...more than you know.

Luv

[Gardener]

luv, I've been following along, lurking, silently.
But this:

I was joking with my son and went to smack him. I walked by H and he slapped me in the face yesterday (said he was joking) but he hit me kinda hard and it hurt the hell out of my feelings - see? I just let it go

Is time to speak up! I agree with the appalled reactions and good advice you've been given since this revelation, especially gnosis:

"If you EVER lay a hand on me again I'll call the cops and have you brought up on assault charges. And you can explain your jokes to a judge. Do I make myself clear?"

And if does cross this boundary and ever do this again, do it in the following order:
Leave house.
Drive away.
Call cops.

Keep yourself safe.

[luvless]

Don't worry I won't stand for any physical abuse I just take it in the gut emotionally. He came home and I look at him and feel so distant. We can't talk too much without one of us getting upset..even if just a little. He is up for a big bank Pres job and I am supporting him but I know what's coming...an ego and power boost so he can make me feel worse because I have nothing (I'm a stay at home mom) He will now be gone from home more than ever and forget me thats for sure. I am scared to say I know what's ahead for me

[Gnosis]

(((((((Luvless))))))).

I can't remember if you are you seeing a counselor of any sort? If you aren't please do get some professional help. I hear you on the physical abuse side, however you do acknowledge that you are being emotionally abused. You need some help.

He has sucked the life out of you. I hear it clear as day. Do you know how? Look at this statement from you:

he can make me feel worse because I have nothing (I'm a stay at home mom)

And you know what? It couldn't be further from the truth. Here's what I see in you:

• An extremely strong woman
• with morals and fortitude
• who has selflessly and single-handedly raised THREE children
• who gives her love unconditionally

and that's just off the top of my head. I can come up with more if I dig deeper.

You have nothing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha <my sarcastic laugh>... My dear you have more than he will ever have. Believe me. I suggest changing your priorities right now from him to YOU. We need to build up your self-esteem and your self-worth. We need to get you into a position of strength. You're too focused on him right now for your own good.