Okay, so I have a question especially for those of you who have lived to see the other side of MLC, something I have been wondering about. Once the fog starts lifting and they are ready, are these MLCers able to "fix" without the help of some kind of therapy/counseling/ADs? Seems like an awful big mess to sort out on their own!
Doing pretty well today! I am having some moments of nostalgia, though, with decorating for Christmas. There are so many things that H has gotten me over the years because he knows how much I have loved Christmas and decorating. Sigh.
BUT he was out with the kids yesterday and they surprised me with a tree which was nice. My mind of course was trying to read the MLC motivation - did he do it to be nice or so he wouldn't feel obligated to go out another day with me and the kids to get one? I am CHOOSING to believe he was just being nice. The kids said it was a spur of the moment thing. Thinking of things like that is vintage H but he is not vintage H right now.
You're doing great! Its nice when the 'old' spouse we love pops their head out of the tunnel..makes you remember why you're still standing!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
Both of you are so right. The reminders of why I am still standing (and why I married H in the first place) are good, but it does make it harder to detach and not slip back into feeling like a wife again.
"Normal" by and large seems to be home tonight. I'll take it.
Just been following along over this holiday weekend.
Honey, you are in the right place for you right now. Remember that everything we all feel is normal.
Are you gonna be able to snap him out of his “temper tantrum”? Nope.
Does that stop you from wanting to try? Nope.
I can’t tell you how many days I just wanted to take the frying pan and beat some sense into his head (or amnesia, didn’t really care which LOL). I have actually just watched my S go through that phase of it himself recently. Boy he just wanted to shake H and scream at him to wake up.
Glad you had a good Thanksgiving even if H was not there. I agree with FG, sometimes it is just easier if they are not around.
Look forward to Christmas, do what you can to make the holiday and the time leading up to it special for you and the kids. The attitude of if H wants to be a part he can, if he doesn’t, his loss…Best one you can have. He is the one who is missing out if he chooses not to join in. Up to you if you want to be miserable with him or happy with your kids.
I will check back in soon. Have a great day.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks for stopping by - I've missed seeing you around the boards!
It really has been a release for me to finally get a good handle on the fact that he won't just snap out of it. This is such a slow gradual process. And I finally see the positives for what they are - good .. . for that moment. I believe they are genuine but he still is a mess. It is when I see the Big Positives (those changes in him over the past year plus that are truly crazy) change that I will have hope that he is on his way out. Until then, doing the best I can with what I have.
I was just realizing how much it takes to get me ruffled these days - so much more than used to. What a blessing - that is a change that I hope sticks with me.
I think it is a blessing that your S understands what is going on with your H - in some ways I think that makes it easier. On the other hand, I think my D is young enough to not remember what her "real" daddy is really like so that may be good also. Honestly, she is the only one who treats him almost fully normally these days at home.
I just wanted to wish you all Happy Holidays and to let you know how much reading this thread has helped me. I am also about 1 year post-bomb, on Dec 7th to be exact. My H is still at home, and seems to be taking tiny baby steps towards me, yet is still seeing the OW about twice a month that I can tell. Its been a terrible year, and yet he does seem more 'here' than last year. Hope that your holidays all go well. I too am wondering how this Christmas will be spent. For me is was always a time to spend with family, (usually his since they live here in town, mine are across country) and so far he doesn't want to see them at all. Debating on whether I should go alone (with probably lots of awkward questions) or try to plan a quiet day at home with us two (is that pressuring or pursueing?)
Hugs to you all dealing with MLC, I hope it gets easier.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
