Need Help - Fast

[TrentC]

Even though it was not planned and an hour before would not have seemed possible, we found ourselves being intimate for the first time in months. By the next morning, she said what happened may have happened too soon for her. She says she doesn't feel what we did (that night) was wrong, but I think she might have had a thought of him during the moment and that bothered her. She told me her emotions are still raw and she is still trying to get it all figured out. She did tell me the next day that she loved me and the look she always gave me was back.

Then the answer is, don't pressure her. Not about lovemaking, and not about the R. Let her make the next move.

I know the feelings she is having for the OM are gradually fading, but she does not really know what to do with them. She knows she doesn't see a future with him now but says there are still feelings there she doesn't know how to handle. This is preventing her from fully giving 110% to rebuilding our relationship.

Then take the lead. Tell her that you understand that she is confused and working things out in her head, but that you cannot be in a three-person relationship. If she really wants to work things out with you, she has to all cut ties with OM and agree to transparency so you can verify. If she can't, then she needs to find a place to stay while you file for D.

It's a scary thing to ask, but you need to show strength and confidence when you do ask.

I feel we are about to get past this horrid chapter in our lives, but she has to get over these lingering feelings she is having for the OM. We are starting the third week since the "revelation" of who the OM really is. What do I need to be doing to help her through this?

Set the boundary. Let her know that she has to make a choice sooner rather than later.

Of course, the ugly truth -- which you don't bring up, ever -- is that if things really can't work out between you two, the OM can be there to pick up the pieces.