I am guessing I will get 2x4's but,.... *sigh* .... I am just struggling right now.
Here is how H and I are currently handling transparency/honesty issue: H is telling me of any contact with OW (which she keeps trying to resume contact after they agreed to no texting/emails... surprise, surprise). He tells me of the contacts, says he is not responding. When he texts on his phone, now does it in front of me, tells me who it is to (someone from work usually) and also keeps his laptop turned towards me so I can see what is on his screen.
But... no exchanging of passwords, etc. yet and I am very aware that the above is not sufficient, and there could be ongoing lying, deception.
I know, I know.
We discussed blocking her on his phone/email etc. he agreed he may have to do that.
Here is why I am tolerating this. H is coming to conclusions about OW's mental health and it is quite concerning, and given both what he has told me and what I have observed myself, I think he is right. I think she may be seriously ill. H, having done research on this, which I have also done on my own as well, feels it will be most likely to minimize damage to all, especially our children, if he can "not poke the tiger" so to speak. He is hoping she will do the blocking of contact with him. He thinks if she feels in control, she is less likely to lash out and do anything destructive to our family.
As I have shared before, these are genuine fears for me too and I feel a strong desire to protect my kids.
H has been "clingy" with me, in my presence almost constantly, and when not, calling me "to hear my voice". He is beginning to feel the weight of guilt (which his fog kept at bay previously) and has even said he feels like a fog is lifting from his brain. H does seem to genuinely be realizing he has "made the biggest mistake of his life" as he put it, and that he might have "ruined our lives". He keeps saying "what have I done to you?" and such...
there are even small signs of the "pre-Alien" version of H showing up again....
It does seem this is genuine. Am I being emotionally manipulated? It is possible. Prior to bomb, H was not the emotionally manipulative type, but due to the fog and influence of OW became more so....
So, the bottom line is that where this leaves me... right now... as of today....when I've been barely able to sleep all night so might not be thinking clearly... is that I don't feel the timing is right to push the transparency issue. H and I are both emotionally fragile, exhausted, coping day to day.
I know it needs to happen, he knows it too. I have told him we need to discuss it. He agrees. I just don't have it in me...I am battle weary.
I feel like I need to be patient and see what the next few days bring and see where things go....
OK swing away with the 2x4's.... Lord knows I've taken alot in the last 8 months...i can take more....lol
H is coming to conclusions about OW's mental health and it is quite concerning, and given both what he has told me and what I have observed myself, I think he is right. I think she may be seriously ill. H, having done research on this, which I have also done on my own as well, feels it will be most likely to minimize damage to all, especially our children, if he can "not poke the tiger" so to speak. He is hoping she will do the blocking of contact with him. He thinks if she feels in control, she is less likely to lash out and do anything destructive to our family.
A scorpion sat by the edge of a pond and wanted to get across. The scorpion asked a fish, turtle and a bird and they all turned him down. A frog swam up and the scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the pond. The frog replied, "you are a scorpion, you will sting me, that's what you do." The scorpion said, "No, I just want to get across the pond and I will be eternally grateful." So the frog agreed and the scorpion crawled on the back of the frog. Half way across the pond the frog cried out in pain, "you stung me, why did you do that? Now we will both die." The scorpion replied, "Because I am a scorpion, it's what I do."
Be careful who you trust to do the right thing.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
A scorpion sat by the edge of a pond and wanted to get across. The scorpion asked a fish, turtle and a bird and they all turned him down. A frog swam up and the scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the pond. The frog replied, "you are a scorpion, you will sting me, that's what you do." The scorpion said, "No, I just want to get across the pond and I will be eternally grateful." So the frog agreed and the scorpion crawled on the back of the frog. Half way across the pond the frog cried out in pain, "you stung me, why did you do that? Now we will both die." The scorpion replied, "Because I am a scorpion, it's what I do."
Be careful who you trust to do the right thing.
This is one of my fav and is very true. Rocked you need to tread carefully. Trust needs to be earned and SLOWLY. I dunno, something seems...not right. That prob doesnt help you at all, but you need to be careful that the mental state of OW isnt being used as an excuse to keep YOU in a fog.
Other than that I saw you had a great night out!!! =) Keep your head up and pay attn, but dont LOOK like ur paying attn. Keep GALing sweety.
As I have shared before, these are genuine fears for me too and I feel a strong desire to protect my kids.
H has been "clingy" with me, in my presence almost constantly, and when not, calling me "to hear my voice". He is beginning to feel the weight of guilt (which his fog kept at bay previously) and has even said he feels like a fog is lifting from his brain. H does seem to genuinely be realizing he has "made the biggest mistake of his life" as he put it, and that he might have "ruined our lives". He keeps saying "what have I done to you?" and such...
there are even small signs of the "pre-Alien" version of H showing up again....
It does seem this is genuine. Am I being emotionally manipulated?
No, I don't think your husband is intentionally emotionally manipulating you. My read on him at the moment is that his love -- and his remorse -- seems genuine to me.
We also know, from his prior behavior, that he's WEAK, and he's going to be in a weakened state as it pertains to all-matters-OW for the next 6-12 months or so. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and it's going to take MONTHS for him to get her out of his system completely. It seems to me you are allowing the fox to guard the henhouse, and you are relying on the strength, honesty and goodwill of your H to pull this off, "without a net" so to speak.
Of those three qualities, I'm ONLY comfortable with the third one right now.
Yep, I knew this is what I would hear from you fine folks...
I do get it, I do.
He does seem very genuine with the changes, and his realizations both about her and the consequences...
BUT... I am not taking into account the addictive nature of the R as well as his weakened state. Those are very good points.
Our conversations come in spurts these days, because they are difficult and painful and we are both treading carefully. So, I will just have to make sure to work this into one of these "spurts"...
This morning he said he is finding himself more and more drawn to me again.... DBing does work folks! so, I'm keeping that up too, no matter what.
H is coming to conclusions about OW's mental health and it is quite concerning, and given both what he has told me and what I have observed myself, I think he is right. I think she may be seriously ill. H, having done research on this, which I have also done on my own as well, feels it will be most likely to minimize damage to all, especially our children, if he can "not poke the tiger" so to speak. He is hoping she will do the blocking of contact with him. He thinks if she feels in control, she is less likely to lash out and do anything destructive to our family.
sorry but that is a crock of $hit.
he thinks if she is in control? if she is in control its not going to end. it is only going to get worse for you. demand 100% over and done. who is in control of your life? you or your husband's girlfriend?
idk about you, but winding down and active affair just busted means 'I'm gonna get a little more sex, maybe some anal. get all I can while the gettin's still good and get off on watching her beg for more. oh and there is always the wife she is still around.' I'm sorry but in your situation I would almost be controlling enough to say, 'I dont believe a word you say and if you want THIS to work get a new job NOW. hand in your resignation tomorrow. enough is enough.'
and honestly, what destruction? she has already destroyed your mariage. if she did cook the rabbit, how are you going to look your husband in the face knowing he started this? if she is a nut case, buy a bat.
