Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I've had not too bad a day. I'm getting slightly more motivated than I have been but far from acceptable!

My mum's funeral has been arranged for a week today. Trying to think of things to say - not sure whether I will say anything or not. I'm still concerned about my reaction to this situation so I'm just going to go with the flow and feel how I feel and accept that it will come to me eventually whether it's days, weeks or months.

@cutterbug

That's on my wardrobe door now - I will see that every morning when I wake. I am most definitely living in the solution now. I am no longer part of the problem.

@newmama

You're right. I didn't call her back. That was my decision and I feel stronger each time I ignore contact.

That has been three times now since NC letter was sent. W will hopefully get the message eventually although cutterbug (I think it was) doesn't think so. She can't keep contacting me and me keep ignoring her - she must eventually understand that I am ignoring her and NC means NC. If she wants contact she goes through IM. That is what she is there for!

NC in this instance is for me and it's working at the moment as I feel incredibly strong, so much so that friends have noticed it. I have been speaking with a positive outlook, but strong and confident and determined. If WAS saw me now she'd wonder who on earth I was as that clingy, needy, weakling she left is now well and truly gone and I hope for good.

However a tiny bit of us does NC in the hope that it brings WAS back - let's be honest about that. I think this will end my M and not fix it but in this case it is giving me the strength to accept that and move on. That is also what NC is for.

Have wavered a few times today. Miss W. Love W. Want to contact W. But I recognised that each time, dealt with it and moved on.

I spoke to a friend today about Separation Agreement. W said she was speaking to a solicitor three weeks ago yet I still have no signed paperwork or an alternative agreement. Sods law it will come in tomorrow now, however it looks like the woman who wanted a 'divorce as quickly as possible' is dragging her feet. It's also ironic that it is me who now wants the separation agreement done quickly (which isn't quite a divorce) and not her!

My mum would be so proud of me and my strength just now. She was a strong woman and I get it from her.