Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Hope4us]

Thinker, I don't think I've ever posted to you before, but I've been reading along and thought I'd comment.

I was where you are. Not all that long ago.

My W was doing, saying a lot of the same things. And because of our financial situation I didn't have much choice in living arrangements, etc for another couple years. My sitch was the definition of Limboland. 6 months after my W's A ended, she still couldn't tell me whether she wanted to try or not.

So I pretty much decided since I didn't have much choice, that I would be the H I wanted to be and if she noticed, great, if she didn't, I'd have nothing to regret when our marriage ended. And I told her this. I told her that I was going to be the best H and Dad the world had ever known and would love her unconditionally until I couldn't do it any more and then I'd cross that bridge when I got there.

It was ironic, that when all this crap was going on, I went to a management systems class for work. And one of the things they taught was the Plan, Do, Check, Adjust method. I thought that might be something I could do in my dealings with W seeing as how she was all over the place with what she wanted from me, day by day.

So I did it. I'd plan what I was going to do, do it, see how she responded and make adjustments if her reaction was negative.

6 months later, she still hadn't made any commitments. But about 4 months after that she told me she loved me, has always loved me and she just didn't know what she was thinking (just this past August).

It's a hard way to do it, but it worked for me. She admits now that she was just so confused one minute to the next that it just took her that long to work it out in her own mind.

Again, it's terribly hard to do, to give and give and give without getting anything in return, but once you start down that path, it get's easier. And GAL while doing it is the key. Fill yourself up with other things, invite your W to join you sometimes. If she joins, great, if she doesn't, her loss.

Hope this helps.