Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

@P17 -- Thank you for your long reply! (Newmama too.) I started reading some of your thread and hope to get through it soon. I'm learning a lot in this forum. I so appreciate the kind support.

With NC, H seems to get angrier and less cooperative. But, I'm thinking I need to go back to it. Or at least go very dim. Like newmama said, it moves us of our fences. I don't want him back without him asking for forgiveness or wanting to reconcile. I have to face the facts that I'm not seeing either of those.

I do see the guilt though, but it's not enough to make him wake up. But I guess you are right about the lashing out to try to alleviate his guilt. He is just too mean = tons of guilt!

I had an appt with my IC. I so needed it because of the hurt I feel and my confusion. She is telling me to move on and file for D and that he is the wrong man for me. But I am not going to file and if I do, it will be after the holidays. I'm too emotional to even work on that. I need to process everything first. I'm going to keep working on healing myself. I hate this situation. I'm not ready to shut the door on this.