thanks, Irma. keep praying---we're having a few struggles currently.
so--any opinions here? when is it "safe" to open one's heart to vulnerability again after having been the LBS (and having kicked the WAH to the curb, where he rightly belongs)?
do we subscribe to "conventional wisdom" or do we begin to trust our own wisdom (which may well have led us down the wrong paths previously)? and yes, I think it IS different after a certain age--not because of desperation, but because of life experience and self-understanding.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
the first relationship after divorce is inevitably a rebound affair which is doomed to end painfully.
I can both deny and support that line. My STBXW was my first woman after a longerm R broke up. I got married had 2 kids. But...here I am with an MLC issue-loaded STBXW heading to a D trial.
IMO, once your divorced, you need to kiss a lot of frogs (er..not meaning that literally). You need to go out and experience other people and see what's out there. I think jumping into the first person you meet and committing is risky. No matter how hard we try, our old 'radar beams' tend to lock on what we just left.
I think the answer is to trust your 'new wisdom'. Review all those new sticky Yellow Post-It notes that are now posted up in your mind. Every new encounter should NOT be looked at as a possible 'new H', but, a new experience in meeting another person....a new exchange of ideas and thoughts...an exploration of different personalities.
Risk...that is what life is about. Change. If you live your new life in fear, you will live in a black hole. Don't be like Tom Cruise in Top Gun...afraid to bring that aircraft in for a landing. Take hold of the stick (pardon the pun) and bring 'er in.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The other old chestnut is that the first relationship after divorce is inevitably a rebound affair which is doomed to end painfully.
If anyone truly gives words like this as advice to anyone on this board, he or she should be ashamed of themselves.
I mean truly, what do these words say to those of us who have experienced divorce in our lives? Nothin more encouraging than being told that our first relationship will be a farce, regardless of how much time and effort we put in to it.
I am nearly 18 months in to a re-marriage after MY divorce. It would be incredibly cruel and hateful to share such a line with me, or EVEN WORSE, my wife.
No relationship is DOOMED to succeed OR fail.
Relationships are a result of the time and effort that we are willing to put in to them.
Unlike just about every politician in the world, I long ago chose to live my life based upon my own abilities, wits and desires RATHER than according to statistical probabilities.
The fact that a lot of people fail to learn from the mistakes of earlier relationships, or that they chose NOT to look at themselves and make changes for the better, BEFORE moving in to another relationship, does not mean that I've done the same. There are always things you can do to improve the odds, if that's what you're worried about.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Yes, it's something I have heard from time to time. I agree--to me it feels arbitrary and overly general. Just wondered if others had gotten clobbered with this sentiment, and what folks might think about it. Certainly not passing any judgement or giving any direction--I'd be the last one to do that!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
