As I have shared before, these are genuine fears for me too and I feel a strong desire to protect my kids.
H has been "clingy" with me, in my presence almost constantly, and when not, calling me "to hear my voice". He is beginning to feel the weight of guilt (which his fog kept at bay previously) and has even said he feels like a fog is lifting from his brain. H does seem to genuinely be realizing he has "made the biggest mistake of his life" as he put it, and that he might have "ruined our lives". He keeps saying "what have I done to you?" and such...
there are even small signs of the "pre-Alien" version of H showing up again....
It does seem this is genuine. Am I being emotionally manipulated?
No, I don't think your husband is intentionally emotionally manipulating you. My read on him at the moment is that his love -- and his remorse -- seems genuine to me.
We also know, from his prior behavior, that he's WEAK, and he's going to be in a weakened state as it pertains to all-matters-OW for the next 6-12 months or so. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and it's going to take MONTHS for him to get her out of his system completely. It seems to me you are allowing the fox to guard the henhouse, and you are relying on the strength, honesty and goodwill of your H to pull this off, "without a net" so to speak.
Of those three qualities, I'm ONLY comfortable with the third one right now.
