Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

I just had my DB coach session and here are highlights:

It is GOOD that my WH brought up getting the tree.

It is GOOD that I stayed calm and confident while WH was silent during the Thanksgiving meal. My coach thinks silence probably meant it caused him to feel some reality of his current actions.

My coach thinks the acts I listed (H offering to get me starbucks, lunch, continuing with compliments, being pleasant) indicate my plan is working to at least stall the D (which is the goal in this--to BUST the divorce).

My coach also said WAS often push buttons or test us when they see we are changing for the better because they don't trust if it's for real. BUT we need to stay the course and keep calm to prove we are for real.

He did remind me not to read too much into anything positive or negative over the next month because the holidays create magical experience that alter reality for the best or worse. So, just take the enjoyable times for what they are.

I asked him if it was realistic to think he could end the A this month, with the fact that Christmas is near and he and the OW may have made plans...purchased presents for each other...like it is bad timing to break up with someone. He said that it would be wise for me to not expect things to end between them this month. However, holidays bring about tension and conflict, too, so it isn't completely out of the question.

I asked about moving the stuff. He said it could cause WH to
1)think I am preparing to move on without him
2)bring up D talk
He said it isn't bad to try and push the issue. WH could say he needs to let me go and will file the paperwork. He asked what WH would say if I did 180 and said "That's very selfless of you. Thanks" I AM 99% CERTAIN THAT HE WOULD PROCEED!!! So the coach said "really? hmmm" not the response I was looking for.

The coach said that many WAS do feel like they HAVE TO DIVORCE because it is the only option due to the mess they created and it's only fair to the LBS. Still, they don't want to lose them and procrastinate, thus they hold all the cards.

So am I ready to be divorced yet? No. Therefore I won't be causing conflict this month. But I feel myself getting prepared for that reality. The holidays are not the best time to make this happen.

I still think plan B is in order in January, so I need to be preparing for how to do it. The only IM I can think of is a relative (my SIL) who is a friend to the marriage. The only other people that know live in a different city or are family. My 2 work friends don't like WH.