How much should I read in to these nice exchanges. Does it mean the door is not fully shut yet?
Your asking this question says alot about your current situation.
You are not showing us or your wife someone who is strong, confident and able to survive without her. This is very important. It is important that you are an example of a man who is exactly that. Realize, your wife is feeling good about herself. She is moving up the company ladder, she is looking good, dressing nice, new men are paying attention to her and feeding her compliments on her looks and her mind(intelligence). She is getting quite a high off of this; then she comes home and your not the pillar of strength she is wanting. You are the same ol' same ol' and lately you are showing alot of weakness. You can name off a number of reasons why and they are valid reasons in your mind. However, your wife is moving onward and upward, she doesnt want to hear it or see it, she is wanting a man who is stronger, more confident, and capable of making her feel even better about herself.
I will be blunt with you. It is not until you rid yourself of this whiney, hurting, argumentative behavior that you will begin to start working towards seeing some different results. For all you know, and what is most likely the case, there is someone younger she is working with that has nothing better to do than hit on your wife and your wife has been eating this up and now it is all she looks forward to.
So, what do you need to do,
First, drop all these relationships talks you keep trying to have. You have no relationship worth talking about. You are discouraging yourself. You are discouraging her. You are wasting time and energy that could be better used working on yourself.
Second, grow a backbone. If its over its over. Not much you can do about that. If it is progressing downhill quick then it aint really worth depressing and hurting and fighting about. It is what it is.
I asked my daughter and her friends this question over the weekend, 'what do you when a boy dumps you?' These were the responses I got: 'I don't get dumped;' 'I'd dump him first;' 'I'd get a new boyfriend fast;' 'I'd be little sad then I'd move on and let him realize what he's missing.' Some good advice from a bunch of teenage girls, huh, costed me a couple of pizzas you can have it for free.
You all can say, its different when it a ten year marriage compared to a couple months of high schoolers dating. But it really isn't when one wants to get the hell out of the relationship. They were gone then; they are gone now. Actions not words still make the difference. Sitting around crying and fighting is not going to show them you are worth keeping. Being strong, confident and showing you are able to be happy with or without them will.
Third, your wife put you in the mirror. Take a good look at yourself. What personality traits and facets of your appearance shine? What behaviors do you need to change and where can you better your outward appearance? ATTRACTIVENESS. CONFIDENCE. Think of it this way when you first met your wife you were attracted to her, you looked and acted a certain way for her to notice you. Then you looked and acted another way for her to stay interested in you. In some way you were attractive to her. I'm pretty sure you didnt latch onto her ankle and held on until she walked up to an altar. You need to regain this attractiveness.
This whole process is counter-intutitive. Sometimes when you spend your time trying to be attractive to someone else, the actual result is that you become attractive again to your spouse. Something to think about later.
