If there are four words that are guaranteed to strike terror into any man, even the most hardened. Those words are "We need to talk" In my opinion they should be stricken from every woman's vocabulary on the planet. When a man hears those words this is what he understands:
I used to feel this way. Now I embrace it.
It's the chicken and egg dance that gets debated here. If you are the one here then you need to be the one to change. So a woman needs to understand how a man thinks. And the opposite is true for a man. One of the smartest things the Greek did after she moved back was to ask me for all the books I had read on relationships, communication and self-help. Then she read them and discussed them with me.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
See ladies? Even Coach was where your H's are today.
Originally Posted By: Coach
Now I embrace it.
Coach, that's you, me and most of the men here. And.. um... while I can't say "I embrace it" I've learned to listen. It still raises small alarm bells in the beginning.
Quote:
If you are the one here then you need to be the one to change. So a woman needs to understand how a man thinks. And the opposite is true for a man
Exactly! The part in bold was the intended audience.
So, GNO, tell me... do you have children??? I ask because, it's hard to be in the same house, and spend so much time w/my H, and it never be about us. It's mostly only about the kids. I miss so much about "us." Just wondering - you seem to have a superb handle on embracing a plan, and executing. Wanna share the bullet points? I'll cite my references!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
PS - GNO... I'd like to stop calling you GNO. You remind me (wisdom) of one of my very best male friends, who I call "G." I'm the only one that calls him that (and his W - who is also one of my closer friends - when I call to talk to him). So, you are now... "G"!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Hey MF, thanks for bringing a smile to my face. I've been feeling down today.
No, we don't have kids. We tried, even went through IVF twice, but it never happened. This is not a sore point for me because I went into the M armed with the awareness that it might not happen. My W took it harder than I. I know it still bothers her whenever someone asks her that question because she really wanted to have kids.
We have six nieces and nephews and I pay attention to the SIL's and sister. Also to friends and how they handle things. So I know how it's not easy to get that 'us' time. The only way around it, as mean as it sounds, is to find a way to get rid of the kids. My FIL used to send my W and sisters packing off to the movies whether they liked it or not <evil grin> My folks packed us off for a weekend away with my cousins (I think... never asked) My SIL dumps the twins on us or the grandparents for a night or two. MF, where there is a will... then is a way.
How about 'punishing' D18 with babysitting duty for a weekend? You know... because of the tattoo
As for my planning and executing that comes from my line of work. I used to architect large systems for banks. Basically it was thinking of Murphy and trying to outwit the wily bugger. So I apply the same principles to almost everything I do.
As for bullet points... I'll need to reverse engineer my brain and come up with those. What I've found is that there is never a one size fits all solution. Every system has different variables, and like life, you take bits and pieces of experience that you have and stick them together to come up with a solution. LOL. I hope that makes sense, it's late and I'm exhausted.
If you have something in mind for a plan I'd be happy to craft one for you.
Regarding calling me G, thank you it's an honor. I have 'Gno' problem with it
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I just wanted to thank you for the wisdom and compassion you've shown to many others since you happened to drop in to this forum. The counsel and advice you give caught my attention from the get go.
I have some kids w/no aunts or uncles! I'm an only child, and my H's family is not exactly in tact! So, if you're dyin' to see a club soccer game, or school basketball game, tis the season!!
And, if you really feel like banging your head against the wall, you can show up unannounced and visit D18 at the Party Palace! Oy! She came by today. (I miss my Mom.) ~~~ Is that a hand out for cash I see there? ~~~ LOL H said she called him earlier. (I miss my Dad.)
Sorry about your fertility issues. I have plenty of friends that have gone through it. I've witnessed many a meltdown. It sounds like you have a healthy grasp of grabbing blessings from those around you! I would expect no less.
My boys are old enough to stay on their own for a little while. H and I could go out. He gets so little time at home, that I don't initiate something w/out them, because I feel bad for the boys if I take him away. I'm initiating something this weekend, though... even if it's just at home.
In my industry we have Automation Field Engineers that are our (Regional Account Manager's) partners per Region. They architect automation work cells for drug discover labs. I get your type! We're actually hiring one for my reason now. The big joke around the company (Im the only girl) is that I'll hire a young, new graduate, and make him my minion!! So, now my boss is coming out to do the in person interviews with me! LOL
I'll need your help, specifically, after the holidays. Thank you for the offer!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
@TulsaTime: Thanks. I looked up your posts and see that you're a WAH. Summon up the courage and let rip with your posts. I'm sure you can help a lot of LBW's try understand their H's
@Mindfull: If I was in the US I'd take you up on your offer and become an 'adopted' uncle. As for D18... <evil grin> you've got your hands full there! I hope you didn't give her the handout. That's a sitch that calls for tough love. BTW, sorry she was in a fender bender and I'm glad she's OK. Try out the QT with H, it sounds like a good idea. ROFL at the 'boytoy' minion. It's good that your boss is stepping in there.
@Cutterbug: I 'pooped' in and dropped a suggestion there. I'm pretty busy though and can't really spend too much time on her sitch. She's getting sound advice and needs to implement it.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I just wanted to thank you for the wisdom and compassion you've shown to many others since you happened to drop in to this forum. The counsel and advice you give caught my attention from the get go.
AGREED
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
