NC, I had a similar conversation with my two at their therapist's request. Just a short conversation. My kids know I always tell them the truth, and I know at least S16 has told me he knows his dad has lied (about OW just being a friend). I think they do realize more than we realize also. I like to think they see our mistakes and learn from them. I know I've done that in my own life, or tried to.
Yoyo, I had that experience too. I realized later, last time at the theatre when D10 had her play this summer, I had tons of friends supporting me and hugging me after her play. One of my good friends said X just kind of cowered in the corner looking at his watch repeatedly and then ran out as soon as he could grab D. These were his friends too before the OW, but they've made it clear how they feel I think. Maybe good for them to realize how generally people feel about them apart from close friends and family that may be too scared or whatever to let them know how they feel.
NC, I just had read something like this recently, happy people don't try to make other people miserable, which it's clear your X works hard to do! I don't think happy people have to stage a performance or whatever to show how happy they are; they just are. You know I think the WAS have a lot of pressure on themselves, their own fault of course, but they break up the family and then they have to try to convince themselves it's worth it; they're happier or whatever, but I think a lot of our X's are just basically unhappy for whatever reason, and looking to an OP to fill that eventually isn't going to work.
