And she knows I'm not busy for 30 more minutes because I'd never leave the house during rush hour.
She doesn't know sh*t anymore. Maybe you're busy clipping your nails or on an important work call...you are entitled to be "busy" without any explanation.
You can text her. Tell her you are busy right now and that you'd like to know what this is regarding if you are going to interrupt what you are doing. Straight up.
Oh, I like that @alive -- and that's the rub, you see. That kind of "Booyah! Howya like me now?" IS my "normal instinctive response" that I was sort of thinking I might try to get away from.
1a. Was surprised to learn that they don't expose themselves that way with her; apparently -- if S10's C is to be believed -- I am Safe Haven, where they can act out (good, bad, and indifferent).
Same sitch here. My kids don't rock the boat with dad. You already know the psychology behind that.
But, recently and as a first, S9 lost it on his dad and it all came flooding out, first time H has seen what I've seen for months.
I think, if at all possible, any communication regarding kid behavior/feelings should be attached to the action you want taken. So, instead of, "I'm worried about X, he's doing/saying Y," it would be, "I would like to make an appointment with Z(child counsleor)" and you let her know what is required of her and schedule etc. If necessary, you expound on why.
Oh, I like that @alive -- and that's the rub, you see. That kind of "Booyah! Howya like me now?" IS my "normal instinctive response" that I was sort of thinking I might try to get away from.
I agree!!! Good. But, in cases like this, it is not just appropriate but essential to your self-esteem that you own your time and space. You don't have to do it with bravado. It can be very friendly.
"I've got a lot going on this morning. Can you tell me what's up so I have a better idea of what you need from me?"
Something like that.
Or, you just call her and if it isn't a justifiable "urgency" you tell her, "I am more than willing to discuss this but can't do right now, I'll call you at whenever o'clock."
The point is, however YOU are able to stay centered and manage your life and emotions is what matters right now.
2a. Oh I fully expect short and trite "to me," where every sentence from her ends with the thought-bubble, "[comma] you a**hole." But on the subject of the kids, where she has expressed "concern" and "absolute interest" and the desire to "always be informed," I found it rather disconcerting.
Come on, you know her limitations. She doesn't know what the hell to say or do about the kids. She feels "concern" and has "absolute interest" as well as guilt and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy (which I submit is the root of most of her dysfunction). This is not to excuse, it is just a matter of fact. She would have no good answers if she were not culpable, seeing as she is, well, she's got less than nothing to contribute. Get it?
Well yeah, but I still don't expect her just give off with the old deer-in-the-headlights "oh is that so?" Even a Disneyesque Evil Stepmother would have asked "what's wrong?"
Well yeah, but I still don't expect her just give off with the old deer-in-the-headlights "oh is that so?" Even a Disneyesque Evil Stepmother would have asked "what's wrong?"
Well, I'm not there but stumped is stumped and she be stumped.
It took H 8 months to recognise our kids were struggling after my S had 2 "accidental" head injuries, his teacher called us in, and the therapist told him the kids were very very hurt. Until then, "the klds looked fine to him" because when they were with him, they were acting fine, "protecting him"...
