The hardest time was a week after my former spouse moved out and my dad was near death. Holy crap, the two most significant male relationships in my life ending in betrayal and both potentially gone.
I know lots of women and men who continuously talk about their divorce like it happened yesterday while it's been over a decade and they're remarried. I realized I already knew what it was like to live a life of anger and bitterness (even though I'd chipped away at it) because of my dad and didn't want that on a go forward basis. My goal was to let go of the past with my dad so I could move forward with less baggage and live a life of joy.
About 6 months later I had a pretty ordinary conversation with my dad but it was different. After he provided a few openings about 'our history' I told him my goal and said how the actions of the past effected every relationship I have. He listened and then we went on to another topic. Twenty minutes after our conversation was over, I felt something 'poof'.. and realized I'd been given the gift of forgiveness. My dad died seven months later but we'd developed a relationship. It took my husband leaving for me to get my father back.
So, each has its interactions. The more of the crap I pull away, the more I learn how to live in a healthy way.
So yeah.. I'm still feel anger at times toward my former spouse, but if I wallow, that's me hurting me. I guess I like to think that the more I let go of, the more I can let go.
