My advice would be to cancel your date and communicate via email so that you can control the content of the discussion and stop your emotions from turning you into a grovelling mess.
"Dear H,
I've thought more about it, and I'd rather use the babysitter time to do something fun on my own. So, I'll just tell you here what I wanted to say (much simpler anyway):
First, it is really not OK for you to treat me disrespectfully, with meanness and rudeness. I am not willing to live with someone who treats me so poorly. If we cannot be under the same roof and treat each other decently, I will ask you to relocate.
Second, I know you lied about your trip. I don't want to debate it or hear your excuses. I simply ask that you show me, our marriage, and our family respect by not choosing to continue to lie to me.
Third, I find it stressful not to know what days I'll have the house to myself. I'd very much appreciate it if you could let me know which nights you will be at the house and which nights you'll be elsewhere. We could use a calendar or you could just let me know by email.
So, that's really it. We can bypass the drama of having an unnecessary BIG TALK, lol. I'll get cash to pay the babysitter and pay her when I get home.
Ciao, Refusingtogiveup"
This is very good. I don't think you're going to be able to avoid him for long, but this is a good approach for now.
