Not sure what to do

[bluerain]

I think that there were positives from your coffee, and I also think that you come on here to get perspective for your situation, sometimes the perpective that you get isnt sunny and happy, that doesnt mean that its wrong, or that your doomed, it just means that someone sees your situation a little differently than someone else.

There are stories on here of people who not only have made up their minds, but have even filed for D and have come back.

Read up on Dia, or Coach and Greek, or Puppy Dog Tails, these are just the ones that come to mind first.

Its not hopeless until YOU give up.

[stu321]

I know it's not hopeless until I give up, but at the moment I can't see any sign or indication that she will ever come around. She even suggested selling the properties earlier so I can set myself up.

[sandi2]

Stu, I'm sorry I ever said anything b/c it was not my intent to depress you. It's just that I have read so many posts similar to yours and the H would walk away expecting to see some positive reaction from the talk about the R with his WAW. I don't think I've ever seen a case where that happened. Yes, there have been couples to get back together, but I'm saying not after a conversation like that. It takes time and the WAW seeing how the LBH has changed, but I've not seen where a talk turns the WAW around like you were hoping. Some see that as negative thinking, but I see it as being realistic. I just hated to see you set yourself up for disappointment. Anyway, I'm sorry for bringing you down so low.

[stu321]

Hi Sandi,

I wasn't expecting a change from a talk. I know my w and she is very stubborn. A R talk will not change her mind. There were alot of things she said that upset me, but at the same time, I felt better with myself as I didn't give in to each of her wishes. I'm sure she would of expected it. My main goal was to try and start building the friendship which is going to be difficult and a chance to show her that I have changed. I'm not giving up on my m. It means to much to me regardless of what my W thinks of it now. Yes, I might be blind and just hoping, but I'm prepared to fight for it. I may end up loosing, who knows. I won't know until I try.

There's no need to apologise, sometimes it is better to get a different view on things. If my view of things was always right, I wouldn't be here.

[stu321]

One thing I would like to ask as well, is that my wife asked about the properties on Sunday night, and said that if let her buy me out, she would find a way to make the repayments. This upsets me, cause she's willing to find a way to keep the house, but she's not willing to try to find a way to keep our family together. I would really love to say this to her, but I think it will have a negative impact. Would be interested to get peoples comments ?

Thanks.

[TrentC]

One thing I would like to ask as well, is that my wife asked about the properties on Sunday night, and said that if let her buy me out, she would find a way to make the repayments. This upsets me, cause she's willing to find a way to keep the house, but she's not willing to try to find a way to keep our family together. I would really love to say this to her, but I think it will have a negative impact. Would be interested to get peoples comments ?

Thanks.

You are right. This isn't a sitcom; there aren't many cutting or snarky remarks you can make that will help.

If you have an emotional reaction, especially one based in fear, anger, or sorrow, then you are likely to make things worse.

[Coach]

One thing I would like to ask as well, is that my wife asked about the properties on Sunday night, and said that if let her buy me out, she would find a way to make the repayments

"I have decided what's best for me is to sell the properties to another party."

[stu321]

Hi Coach,

Just read through your post. There are quite a few differences between your situation and mine and was hoping to get your view.

It seems my W doesn't even want to be friends. I don't know why??? I said to her on Sunday night that I wanted to still be friends with her, but all she said was that we won't be doing anything together unless it involves our son, so I don't know how I can show here that I have changed. SHe won't speak to me unless she has to.

Just a quick re-cap on our sitch:
we seperated for a week about 18 months ago. In the last 18 months, we have been trying to build a house, her father was diagnosed with cancer and lost his battle about 5 months ago. She had an abortion about 2 years ago and her reasons was that she didn't want to bring a child into the world when we had an unhealthy relationship, even though she didn't tell me this at the time. Her excuse was that it wasn't the right time as we were living with her parents during the building process)

We seperated again about 2 months ago as she needed to deal with her issues and couldn't while I was around, so I moved out. I didn't pressure until about 3 weeks ago. She asked me to go to councilling with her where she dropped the bomb. I have been given every reason under the sun why she doesn't want to be with me and that she has been unhappy for years.

[stu321]

Here in Australia, we can't get a divorce legally until we have been seperated for 12 months. She is strong minded and once she makes up her mind there is little hope of changing it. I think most of her family are telling her to do what makes her happy, I know her mum would be for sure.

[Coach]

She is strong minded and once she makes up her mind there is little hope of changing it.

Really??? Then why bother. When you two got married and she said I do then she must have been lying because she changed her mind. She's a woman it's how she feels. She can and will change her feelings without consulting you.

I think most of her family are telling her to do what makes her happy, I know her mum would be for sure.

You know this for sure or are you mind-reading? You are wasting time and energy worrying about what she is doing, thinking, feeling and saying. Put the focus back on yourself.