Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Ok, just got this back from her:
Go ahead and see what happens you have no right to be worried about me, yea like I’m going to hurt my boys do not write me and good luck with your life.

What am I doing? This is just pushing her further away!!!!

[SoldierDad]

Mindfull, thank you, I really appreciate it. This stuff is so hard, and is so up and down. I don't know how long I can hang onto this roller coaster...

[Coach]

Quit worrying about what she says, does, thinks, or feels right now. You don't control her. She would feel much better if you did everything her way.

Get some legal advice. Plan for this they way you would a mission. What's the objective? Get the experts to brief their portion, go over emergency procedures and prepare yourself.

[SoldierDad]

Coach, I am limited in the legal advice department until I get back. That is the harsh reality of being deployed. I have contacted some attorneys, and am waiting for their response. I care less how SHE FEELS-and I mean that. She doesn't give 2 $hits, about me or my feelings. So, I should NOT respond to her last e-mail? I am going to have to contact her late next week to figure out details of the truck etc.

What am I doing? It seems to be getting worse. Maybe it HAS to before it gets better-I dunno.

[Coach]

So, I should NOT respond to her last e-mail?

no.

handle the truck yourself, get one of your buddies back on post to pick you up in it. Just tell her, "I have decided to get _____ to pick me up with the truck. He and __________ will be by on _____ to pick up the keys."

You don't have a JAG deployed with you? Keep your chain-of command updated.

[SoldierDad]

Coach, unfortunately JAG can only give a limited amount of advice on D. I have gotten all the help I can get from them, They can't do anything legal, except give advice in civilian matters. They simply refer me to a D attorney back home. I will definately keep the CoC updated. I think your idea about the truck is a good one. I will contact a friend, and have him pick it up. I know it is way too early, but is this reaction/action normal for WAS? It just is starting to get nasty.

[Coach]

is this reaction/action normal for WAS? It just is starting to get nasty.

She's having a affair, she wants you gone, you are the source of all her pain, you stand in her way to "happiness", you aren't following her plan, she's conflicted, she will claw your eyes out given the chance.

Is this normal? SNAFU

Embrace the suck.

[SoldierDad]

Ha ha, that got a laugh!!! I almost blew water out of my nose!! Haven't heard that one in a while. Well, knowing all of that, what do I do now? I am going to get a friend to pick up the truck. But as far as anything else I need to be doing? I am getting better with the detachment, but when we have these kinds of exchanges-she knows just how to hurt me. My 2 weeks at home are going to be holy HE!!...

[Coach]

prepare yourself.

Understand her anger is good, it means she's conflicted. So when she gets angry, pretend she is a drill sergeant getting in your face.

read up on validating and boundaries, practice your responses to her - visualise the dialouges.

Know that you might end up divorced. My signature line is the Stockdale Paradox (Google it), it helped me detach and think thru the sitch.

Strength and Honor

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I know it is way too early, but is this reaction/action normal for WAS? It just is starting to get nasty.

Sadly, this is PERFECTLY normal. It's how a wayward spouse acts when they don't get their way, when you resist "The Plan"/fantasy they have been working on for MONTHS in their head. We call it "spew" around here, and it's a pretty apt term.

Time to put on your spew coat, soldier.

Puppy