I have another question all. If W brings up the M, or R, in any way, while I am home for the 2 weeks, do I talk to her about it? If so, in what context? What are some of the things I should focus on? Should I admit to my part in this, or just listen to her? I am really not sure how to handle this part. The last thing I want to do is dig up the "old way" we did things. But I am afraid that is where it will go to. I also don't wish to become defensive, or offensive, as I know she is going to say some hateful things to me. I want to be able to react in a calm, cool, confident manner, without accepting all of the blame myself. Now, I have NO idea if she will bring it up, but knowing my W, she will do/say whatever she can to hurt me, and that will be based upon the past and my failings in the R/M. Thoughts?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Ok, one of my friends back home was just asking me some things and I am now wondering if he isn't right. He brought up this little nugget when I told him I was going to stay at the house-in my own room, in my own bed: think about it. You are the husband that just got back from a combat zone (PTSD), and your wife told you that she wants a divorce and now you're enraged. She will do whatever she has to, to make you leave. So why even go there, and let it get to that level? What if she calls the police and says that you threatened her? You're just going to have to leave anyway. Don't set yourself up like that. Go for the kids. If she tells you that she doesn't want you to stay there, just bring them to my house. Women always have the upper hand. Why would you want it to escalate into something stupid... Just so you can have your way? You don't want your boys to be around any of that!
Thoughts on what he wrote to me? As always, thanks.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Ok, one of my friends back home was just asking me some things and I am now wondering if he isn't right. He brought up this little nugget when I told him I was going to stay at the house-in my own room, in my own bed: think about it. You are the husband that just got back from a combat zone (PTSD), and your wife told you that she wants a divorce and now you're enraged. She will do whatever she has to, to make you leave. So why even go there, and let it get to that level? What if she calls the police and says that you threatened her? You're just going to have to leave anyway. Don't set yourself up like that. Go for the kids. If she tells you that she doesn't want you to stay there, just bring them to my house. Women always have the upper hand. Why would you want it to escalate into something stupid... Just so you can have your way? You don't want your boys to be around any of that!
Thoughts on what he wrote to me? As always, thanks.
Because you don't give in to the demands of a terrorist.
If you are enraged then don't show up. If you are going to escalate don't show up. Women don't always have the upper hand.
Get some legal advice.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ok, she just responded to the e-mail I sent her about our account: You close that account and my attorney will be forced to call your chain of command Do not play games with me you will lose so go ahead and a f with the account and I you will see what happens… I will take the boys to my mother Dec 12 thru Jan 1st and see how you like it I have custody of them NOT you and I say when you can see them. And yes I can be a bitch and I will.
Ok, she has really started to get nasty. What in the world do I write back about this? I would be crushed if she took my boys to her M while I was there. I think I have made a big mistake doing this.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Coach, I am NOT enraged. As a matter of fact, I am at peace right now-well except for that last post I made. I am just concerned about what actions SHE is going to take. As you can read, she is getting nasty, and it will only get worse the closer I get to going home. I would NEVER touch her, or hurt her. But I can see that she might do something like call the police, just to "win".
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
She can't legally do any of that, no way her attorney is telling her to act that way. She knows she can push you around.
Print the e-mail and save it to a disk. She's hanging herself. There is nothing illegal, immoral or unethical with you protecting yourself.
Get some legal advice.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ok, she just responded to the e-mail I sent her about our account: You close that account and my attorney will be forced to call your chain of command Do not play games with me you will lose so go ahead and a f with the account and I you will see what happens… I will take the boys to my mother Dec 12 thru Jan 1st and see how you like it I have custody of them NOT you and I say when you can see them. And yes I can be a bitch and I will.
Ok, she has really started to get nasty. What in the world do I write back about this? I would be crushed if she took my boys to her M while I was there. I think I have made a big mistake doing this.
Au contraire, SD. It is she who has made a huge mistake in PUTTING IN WRITING such things as not allowing you to see your own children.
Ordinarily, I would advise not replying, but I think you will want to document a contrast between her antics and your own, calm, reasonable ones, kwim?
Thus:
"Wife,
I'm sorry you feel that way. I am only trying to protect myself, and the kids, considering your recent actions. To be honest, I'm worried about you. In any event, I will continue to meet all of my financial obligations to the family, and would never dream of not doing so. Please stop using such disrespectful language when communicating with me.
SD"
You're in great hands with Greek and Coach -- the BEST, when it comes to these types of situations (legal hardball + fighting for your marriage, but with establishing boundaries). Follow their lead.
Coach, do I even respond to that e-mail? I was thinking something like this, but would like your advice/input first. "That would be great, I was thinking of going there to visit your brothers anyway. That way I can pick them up from your M, and drive down to Disney, and then back home". Thoughts?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Puppy, absolutely great advice. I am typing it up to her in a minute. Disregard my last post. I promise you I will need more advice today. This is going to get much nastier, I can just tell.
Thanks again.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
