Mindfull Yup, I`m good. Have learnt such a lot from tall this. I think detachment is a necessary process but one that can`t be rushed. I`m getting on with my life without H and actually having fun.
Yup, I have a little fear especially re affects on the kids and the dire change in financial circumstances which separation will bring but while prepping as best I can for that, I also have to leave it in God`s hands.
The mediation process has been dragged out through no fault of my own-strike here and my accident halted it for a while-and I`m happy with that.
But I`m going with the flow and glad of the learning.
Mediation session 2 today. H wants to move out before Christmas. Yes, with two weeks to go til the turkey`s plated up, he said he wants to move to another town.
Mediator and I persuaded him that the timing might be a tad too difficult for the kids at this time of the year. He finally agreed to moving at the end of January.
Well, looks lie I couldn`t turn around the titanic after all.
I`m a little bit sad about that. In fact I cried buckets at medation while H was impassive and cold.
Let it be.
Time to move forward and get on with my life. Not looking for sympathy, just looking to update. You know, things could just maybe get better for me and the kids from here on in.
And I am going to make the damn most of this Christmas for me and them.
Mediator said yesterday she could see I was behind when it came to facing up to separation. I am. I know. I`m stuck! I kept hoping for chance in H.
Yesterday`s session turned my heart cold. that H could even think that it was s runner to tell the kids just before Christmas that he was moving out,shocked me. I couldn`t get out of that place fast enough and away from him.
And I know I found having a date for him moving out also marked the end of hope for us.
But yeah, I`m in a crazy world. H has slept in the guest room for the past year, sleeping with me only when guests came. Well, last night he was back in my bed. Nothing said. Just there.
this am he says he doesn`t think he wants to leave me! Huh? That maybe there`s something wrong with him. I suggested he go see a doctor and told him I respected his decision and wouldn`t try to control him(he brought up about feeling I controlled everything yesterday).
I left it at that.Stayed out of his way all morning as I honestly am too wrecked to entertain any more craziness.
Lots of drama! I think your best move would be to give him space, and stay away from R talks. I think things just became more real for him, and he may be having second thoughts. I also think it might be that he saw a bit of a different Fallgirl than he is used to, and he might need to think on that a bit, too.
Maintaining space from the crazy sounds like a good idea!
I think this is just another concrete example of the confusion going on in their heads. They think they want one thing and then faced with the reality of it they aren't sure what they want.
I agree that you need to keep distance from your H and try to detach from all of the craziness as much as possible.
You have been through a lot and you are doing so well. Keep it up!
Thanks for your posts Jeff and TIF. Yeah, space needed. But hope not required in this space.
Its all so familiar-he loves me/he loves me not-the roll and jolt of the yo yo.
Get a text from him this evening saying he won`t be home tonight. No reason. How`s that for an action on his "I don`t hink I want to leave you" statement of this am. No, I didn`t text him back.
Really, if I dig deep into my heart of hearts(and DBing has taught me that much)I feel coldness for H`s behaviour as a man, a father, a husband.
I`ve stood. But you can only stand for so much.
With his type of personality disorder whatever it is, he only wants me when he cant have me and doesn`t want me when I`m there for him.
He wanted mediation. He wanted separation. We compromised on his moving out from my `please work on the relationship` to his `going before Xmas` and agreed to the end of Jan date with his telling the kids on Jan 16th. That`s in black and white, agreed with mediator.
No fudgy "I don`t think I want to leave you" can row me back on that.I`m worth more.
I haven't checked in in awhile. I'm sorry. He's a confused mess, and, will unfortunately have lost his ability to have input to his future w/you, and his family intact.
HUGS FRIEND
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
As MF said, he still seems really confused. Its hard to know what part of the confusion comes from deep within and what part is just emotional reaction to things such as formal procedures.
It seems every time we get ourselvs to a good place along comes another hit to drag us back in. But at least we have the skills to pick us back up quicker each time.
You know what to do, I hope things settle down for you.
Sorry, guys, haven`t posted here in a while but honestly, even though I`ve clung very hard to the notion that I could save the marriage I am conceding defeat on that one.
The big difference DBing has made for me though is that I`m happy to concede defeat.
I know I tried my utmost to save it.
I know I saved me in the process and I am happy with the me that I have become in all of this.
I also believe, going forward, that we will all be okay.
I suspect the separation will run through a very difficult patch too but I`m hoping my DBing skills will help there too.
Its like the last days in Berlin after the war here. There`s the eerie silence, the lack of energy, the conceding to the inevitable on my part. Maybe, maybe slight confusion on H`s side but he`s made it very plain that he`s done so I`m taking him at his word.
And I`m actually ok about it. I will enjoy Christmas. I`m not sad or despairing. I have a lot of fun and friendship in my life and I know that, after my health and my children, they are the most important things to have.
So its ok. I feel released from prison actually.OK its probably just a temporary release but hey, after two years of crap, its great to breathe again.
