I am guessing I will get 2x4's but,.... *sigh* .... I am just struggling right now.

Here is how H and I are currently handling transparency/honesty issue:
H is telling me of any contact with OW (which she keeps trying to resume contact after they agreed to no texting/emails... surprise, surprise). He tells me of the contacts, says he is not responding. When he texts on his phone, now does it in front of me, tells me who it is to (someone from work usually) and also keeps his laptop turned towards me so I can see what is on his screen.

But... no exchanging of passwords, etc. yet and I am very aware that the above is not sufficient, and there could be ongoing lying, deception.

I know, I know.

We discussed blocking her on his phone/email etc. he agreed he may have to do that.

Here is why I am tolerating this.
H is coming to conclusions about OW's mental health and it is quite concerning, and given both what he has told me and what I have observed myself, I think he is right. I think she may be seriously ill.
H, having done research on this, which I have also done on my own as well, feels it will be most likely to minimize damage to all, especially our children, if he can "not poke the tiger" so to speak. He is hoping she will do the blocking of contact with him. He thinks if she feels in control, she is less likely to lash out and do anything destructive to our family.

As I have shared before, these are genuine fears for me too and I feel a strong desire to protect my kids.

H has been "clingy" with me, in my presence almost constantly, and when not, calling me "to hear my voice". He is beginning to feel the weight of guilt (which his fog kept at bay previously) and has even said he feels like a fog is lifting from his brain. H does seem to genuinely be realizing he has "made the biggest mistake of his life" as he put it, and that he might have "ruined our lives". He keeps saying "what have I done to you?" and such...

there are even small signs of the "pre-Alien" version of H showing up again....

It does seem this is genuine. Am I being emotionally manipulated? It is possible. Prior to bomb, H was not the emotionally manipulative type, but due to the fog and influence of OW became more so....

So, the bottom line is that where this leaves me... right now... as of today....when I've been barely able to sleep all night so might not be thinking clearly... is that I don't feel the timing is right to push the transparency issue. H and I are both emotionally fragile, exhausted, coping day to day.

I know it needs to happen, he knows it too. I have told him we need to discuss it. He agrees. I just don't have it in me...I am battle weary.

I feel like I need to be patient and see what the next few days bring and see where things go....

OK swing away with the 2x4's.... Lord knows I've taken alot in the last 8 months...i can take more....lol