Dunno. Never put much thought into the MLC idea, but lately.... Had some convos with an MLC survivor (left-behind, not walkaway), and there sure are some powerful parallels. Got very concerned about the kids today and sent a nice -- not snotty or finger-pointing or anything like that -- email laying out some events and concerns. A one-sentence response completely uninterested in anything I'd said about them.
Maybe she thought it was a mask for me projecting my own feelings? Don't know (and yes AAK, I have a C). But it was weird. I mean, hair on the back of the neck weird. An almost total detachment, but not in the "good" way, you know? Here I'd said that D7 is waking up nights crying and S10 "just knows" that if she gets remarried I will die -- because my father died after my mother remarried, kid logic (he was very ill -- brain thing) -- and D7 announcing it's okay if I remarry because everyone knows it's stepfathers who are really mean -- stepmothers are evil but only if you're a princess. And there's no logic, as all the parents out there know. This is their reality.
From WAW? Nary a peep about it. Which is cold, maternally speaking, even by her standards.
So I dunno. Maybe it's been MLC all along? Not that it makes any real difference, as it were, but if so it doesn't bode well for the future, eh? One month per year of marriage, right? That's looking at Fall 2010. Sheesh.
Phase two in progress.....as I said, this is not over yet.
Going to throw some experience 2 x 4's your way here.
1. Did she NEED to know about the crying/meltdown episodes? What happens at your place also happens at hers. I was surprised to hear of this when wife and I went through process of discussing life apart. To ME, knowing what I now know, telling her is just placing MORE blame on her. Validating even further the notion that you can't possibly be right for each other.
2. Short and trite responses are also normal. I was the king of expectations when sending messages to wife. The responses that I received usually did not meet the expectations I had set upon them.
3. That month per year of marriage thing is kinda funny.....we are two years reconcilled. It is just the past 6 months that I can say things have made the turn and look mostly positive. We were married 8 years when it happened. Apart a tad over 1 1/2. Now as I said back for 2. The 2 back has honestly been the fastest 2 of my life. Much like you situation, I was the one who dug in and did the work once I got it. The person I "got" back was in essence the same person 6 months prior to her departure. A year into our reconcilliation, I said screw it, if she can't change than why should I. So I slipped back into the "bad me" if you will. 6 months ago I decided to give the whole my changes will force change in others thing a try. Guess what.......for today, we are better than ever and WE are changing for US.
Adding this in....I have said before that my kids are the same age as yours. They are mature enough to understand their feelings and what they mean. Letting them vent in appropriate ways (crying, sharing their fears, etc.) is all you can do for the meltdowns. The area that has had the most lasting effect on the kids in our house has been the breakdown of their confidence/trust. It has been hard to reassure the kids that we weren't going to split again but we strive daily to build our trust with them back.
Smiley, I continue to follow your thread for one selfish reason, so I can say told you so. Does the thought of placing a blame on her behavior (MLC) give a bit of willingness to understand/forgive?
