Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Thanks again everybody for your support.

Will hear today, I hope, as to when the funeral is for my mum.

Went to see D's school headmistress this morning to discuss homework and the current situation with mum and W. They were very supportive.

I'm feeling a little anger and resentment this morning. It's just a little but it is there.

I also think that situation with W has actually allowed me to understand myself and deal with issues much more clearly and focused. Before and even after she left I was a complete mess.
I think maybe that is why I am dealing with my mum's death so well at the moment. However I do know that it can't last.

Grieving is a strange process and affects us all differently so I'm not going to beat myself up about not having fallen apart. I feel strong, incredibly strong, focused and determined. I can't remember feeling this way before. I hope it is not an artificial feeling and does stand me in good stead for the weeks and months to come.

As I said above, W called me yesterday and I ignored it. Maybe:

1. It was a mistake,
2. Maybe it was a cry for attention (I used to do that with her - call her 'accidently' and then hang up so she'd see my number and think of me)
3. Maybe she wanted to know how things were.

1 and 2 are plausible, 1 more so. As she is no longer being allowed to cake eat and no longer has my or D's EN's to play with, 2 is also possible, although I think unlikely. She never called back so it's unlikely to be 3.

Whatever it was, as Sandi and Jumpyninja said - I have bigger things to worry about just now. So her cowardice, selfishness and reaching out for comfort are of no interest to me just now.

As cutterbug said, I need to keep the few loving feelings I have left for W locked away now and not let her erode them any further.

I am enjoying being dark. This is for me and it has helped me move on with my life. Whether that ends up being with W or not, it matters not. I will make it and I will be okay.