Here I'd said that D7 is waking up nights crying and S10 "just knows" that if she gets remarried I will die -- because my father died after my mother remarried, kid logic (he was very ill -- brain thing) --
So weird. I had the same sitch (Father dying after my mom remarried, brain thing too, can't remember if we've discussed that) and my kids brought it up months ago, nearly ripped my heart in two because it was clear they were concerned that their dad was going to die...I've blocked out what was said because it was too painful. My H happened to be here when the meltdown happened and let's just say, whatever he did to himself psychologically to leave me also deleted some of his empathy nodes. He just could not respond to it in a fully feeling way.
I'm sorry you are absorbing their pain. My stepdad is the one who told me, when I called him crying telling him I can't watch my kids got through what I went through, that they are so lucky to have someone who can empathize, who can really feel for them and be here for them. This was months ago and I really got it. It is not trite or simplistic. It is the whole kit and kaboodle. Just tonight S9 was crying and expressing his anger and with so many thoughts streaming through my head, I was able to state, "I understand" and stroke his hair. That is what we can do if we are strong and focused, understand, listen, be willing to absorb the pain. My sweet boy pointed to a little heart button on my shirt and gestured breaking. I asked, "you feel your heart is broken?" He nodded yes...and we talked about broken hearts and how they do heal...and he said it doesn't feel like that right now and I said "I understand, I've been there and when you're in it you don't feel like it will get better but it does" and that I've had a broken heart enough times now to know even when it hurts so bad that it'll get better. He understood. And I was speaking to myself as my heart was breaking for him and it helped to keep the tears at bay, to know that broken hearts do heal and get stronger.
