In my opinion, you can be a safe place for your kids to dump their anxiety if you stop telling her what you hear. She is trying to clam them up by telling them that stuff that happens at her house is not your business. Of course, that isn't true. There should not be things that must be kept secret from parents. She is putting this burden on them. You need to take it off by being there as a confidente, and never letting on to her that you know.
