no. she waved the papers at me, i could see a list of custody rules on them.
the worst for me is that I was not calm or in any kind of control. i rehearsed what i was gonna do, wrote it down, and still couldn't handle it.
maybe i should do it all via email and text from now on, but im exhausted.
the attorney she has appears to be one of the most recognized in my state, and help write the current custody guidelines for family law litigation. he's at $500-600 an hour. i'm assuming her family is paying.
im so frustrated.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Yes, if you can't stay under control, even after rehearsing, probably best to do things via e-mail from now on. Just be VERY careful what you say, however, for obvious legal reasons. Before hitting "send" re-read it several times and try to look at it LIKE SOME SHARK DIVORCE LAWYER would look at it, and don't send it if you feel it's in any way incriminating.
Before hitting "send" re-read it several times and try to look at it LIKE SOME SHARK DIVORCE LAWYER would look at it, and don't send it if you feel it's in any way incriminating.
Who do you have representing you?
Puppy
Ding, ding, ding! You already know your wife has legal counsel, so if you don't have your own you need to get a lawyer ASAP.
After that, any attempt to give you anything to sign or look over should be met with "thanks, I'll get with my attorney to review this as soon as I can, and get back to you."
There is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself: divorce is an adversarial process, and she is not your friend and ally in this.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I have the attorney that I did the initial consultation with. She's been in practice for 20+ years in our area. we've spent a lot of time on the phone since then. her retainer is only 5k
this morning I called some of the lawyers that I had researched as being competitive with the firm that my W had picked. I knew which firm, because W left the paperwork out from her appointment (likely on purpose). I found out last night that she is using the founding partner at the firm.
i don't think I'm gonna be able to afford these high end lawyers. The initial consult is $500, then $500 an hour, plus $250 for support staff. 15k-20k retainer.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
There are "men's rights" legal associations, from whom you could probably get a referral in your area. My guy was only $2,500 retainer (wife's was $3,500), he ONLY did family law (hers mostly did criminal and real estate law, and had only recently gotten into family law), and he only worked with men.
He was extremely sharp, and I was impressed with how the judges and clerks all knew him, and his attention to detail (like having a self-addressed, stamped envelope for the clerk to use to send us our copies of docs).
So no more discussions with her, best handled by the Ls anyway. I don't think you need a $500 an hour attorney to be good, most I think are much less than that. The founding partners sometimes aren't even that great; in my fil's firm founding partners tend to work less hours and be less aggressive; the younger partners are the ones that tend to do the majority of work. I would ask around; there are so many people divorcing nowadays and find out who your friends would recommend...
Just stick to email. Before anything in any way controversial I would post an email here and get everyone's input, as my H is an L, so tried to be as careful as I could. Just waiting sometimes 1/2 a day or a day later that it took to do that was good, b/c it helped me to calm down and write a more polite, business-like email too.
Sorry things went so badly. Did you actually read the paper she had in hand, or did you just see a list of rules? If you did not see an official letter head from the lawyer's office....or his signature, then she may be trying to bluff you out. At any rate, she isn't going to play nice, so you best get to finding legal help ASAP.
I know you are down, but mothers are not just automatically handed over full custody of the children like they were years ago. Keep your chin up and fight for your kids. The Judge may be interested in knowing who wanted to end the M and why. I really don't know how much that weighs anymore, to be honest. It may depend on where you live, IDK. But I believe from what I read that most couples are having to share visitation 50-50.
Don't give up on who you are as a man and a father. You're not done! You are young and the future can hold blessings that you never dreamed of before.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
