I had another "conversation" with S8 this afternoon, driving back from church. Once again, he took a normal conversation between he, S5 and myself and veered it into an area we should have stayed away from. I took umbrage with S8 parroting xW about how OM has been a "long-time friend of our family" -- and I had to correct him. I told S8 that OM was a "stranger" to our family, that he might have been a "friend" to his mother, but he was never, ever a friend to our family -- I had never met him, and I am/was the head of the household. I went on further to tell S8, that OM was never and is not a friend to S8 or S5 either, as he has been an enemy to their family all along.
I also told S8 that he and his brother should never have been even introduced to OM or made to spend any time with him -- it is not proper for a single parent to introduce their children to their paramours until/unless they have set an engagement and plan to get married. Otherwise it is highly unfair to the children.
We had a bit of a conversation about this. Basically, I explained how damaging it could be to children of D should this love interest suddenly disappear, as often happens. I explained that allowing children like S8 and S5 to form attachments to someone who might very well disappear some day, because the adult R is dissolved, can cause much emotional duress and exacerbate their damaged trust in their parent.
S8 wants to believe that his mother would not do anything to actually harm he and his little brother -- which I concurred and confirmed, but I also added that her intention to not bring harm to them does not preclude her from making foolish mistakes anyway, thereby inadvertently causing them harm. I told them that their mother does indeed love them both with all her heart, but that does not in any way mean she's infallible.
Now some of folks think that breathing anything, so much as a word, to one's child that might undermine a child's trust in their parent is tantamount to the highest crime. This is a delicate matter, of course, but I will not lie to my children. And the experts I read tell me that being open and honest with your children, within discretionary bounds, matters far, far more than trying to protect the other parent's ego. I refuse to help xW spin her web of lies and deceit -- absolutely no good will come of that. And if I hear her brainwashing leeching through the words and deed of our S's, I will take measures to counteract her efforts. I will not drink her kool-aid and I will do what I can to prevent her from giving it to our S's.
