Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Well, the holiday week has come and now gone.

I realize that the next few months are just going to be tough time. Between school functions and my STBXW b-day coming up, then X-mas, then my d8 birthday in January, it's a train of emotion wreck for me. *sigh*

Just today, I had school function and stbxw was there with us for a few hours. Neither of us speak to each other, and I just focus on d8, then hand stbxw her payment installment for this week when they get in the car. She doesn't walk near us or speak the whole time she is there...

I realize that emotionally I am wondering what my stbxw is up to, and want to know. Logically, I know I won't like it, whatever it is, and knowing what she is up to would only hurt me, so I am better off in dark mode, with no knowledge of what she is doing.


I went on a 'coffee date' yesterday with someone, and I was just totally not attracted nor interested in following up with another 'date.'

I am frustrated with myself. Months on now from the bomb, and a year since having physical contact with her, and over a year since we had been 'working on' our MR, that I still allow her to have this kind of control of me. It's annoying to say the least.