Pls help--confused and fearful

[newmama]

I think I read somewhere that even the smallest most consistent action on our part will be noticed by the WS. SO, just be consistent from this point forward and be patient. Let's see...
I first thought that 180 meant following that list. But now I get that it means what 180 means--do the opposite of what you normally have done. That list out there is a description of the opposite of what most of us have done--begging, crying, buying gifts, saying I love you, etc. But 180 for me is also being a better housekeeper, not crying, not complaining, cooking, and I should be asking him more about himself.
I think you know this.

The other thing I have been learning that if one approach or strategy isn't working (i.e. you aren't seeing changes in his behavior) after a set period of time, then do something different. I don't know what the period of time is, though. 4 weeks?? 2?? 6??

Also, my DB coach told me to think of things I do for WH in terms of caring behavior or chasing behavior...not cake eating enabling. He said it is caring if it is something you would do for your brother. Chasing is making your WH talk about the relationship, being seductive or sleeping with him, stuff like that.He said "cake eating" is letting them get all of their needs met by you AND OW.

Do you know your WH's emotional needs? There is a free survey on another website (don't know if we can say it) but it's the same website of the counselor and author William Harley and it seems very compatable with divorce busting.

All right, sorry to ramble. I guess I just think this: if what you were doing wasn't enough to get a positive change from him, do something different. Other experienced and successful divorce busters may disagree with me...I am only trying to implement various techniques from Weiner-Davis' books and my DB coach.

You could sign the emails and texts with Take care! Have a great day! but continue with your GAL. Nothing wrong with being caring.You can also go back to being happy to see him when he shows up and I am sure you were looking good and smelling good,too.

How long did you make the nice meals on MOndays? You might need to do it for 4 or 6 weeks before you get a reaction ???? I am clearly not a success story yet so take my suggestions with a grain of salt.


Oh--a question--has he told you that he wants you to meet someone else and be happy some day? (My WH HAS NEVER said that to me.)