My wife hasn't given me any indication that she has been unfaithful and I believe that she hasn't been. My wife doesn't appear to be interested in dating or even men in general as she is completely absorbed with self. She wants freedom not to date but freedom from responsibility and accountability. I believe that since the assualt she has felt helpless and not in control so she is trying to gain control of her life by doing whatever she wants regardless as to how it affects others. She doesn't want to ever feel like a trapped victim so she is going to the other extreme.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
My wife hasn't given me any indication that she has been unfaithful and I believe that she hasn't been. My wife doesn't appear to be interested in dating or even men in general as she is completely absorbed with self. She wants freedom not to date but freedom from responsibility and accountability. I believe that since the assualt she has felt helpless and not in control so she is trying to gain control of her life by doing whatever she wants regardless as to how it affects others. She doesn't want to ever feel like a trapped victim so she is going to the other extreme.
FYI - that freedom may include having sex with other men without feeling guilty about any obligation she has to you & her marriage.
Control is a big deal in how people cope with traumatic events, more precisely, their sense of control has a lot to do with how traumatic an event is preceived by someone. You have a 13 year old girl, what about W and D13 taking a self defense course or something like that? D13 would benefit, and it might be a constructive way for W to feel a little more in control, and a little less likely to view herself as a victim.
D wouldnt free her from responsibilty, in fact, a single mother (person, for that matter) has to be substantially MORE responsible and accountable. I think that I would try to figure out how she can be sort of exposed to that reality.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Naw, I don't think that's it. Sex has been so mentally and physically challenging for her since the assault. Just hoding and touching has been a problem for her. She has had zero sex drive. This condition has helped to create emotional and pyschological issues for her. She has more of a problem with sex then she has with me.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Control is a big deal in how people cope with traumatic events, more precisely, their sense of control has a lot to do with how traumatic an event is preceived by someone. You have a 13 year old girl, what about W and D13 taking a self defense course or something like that? D13 would benefit, and it might be a constructive way for W to feel a little more in control, and a little less likely to view herself as a victim.
D wouldnt free her from responsibilty, in fact, a single mother (person, for that matter) has to be substantially MORE responsible and accountable. I think that I would try to figure out how she can be sort of exposed to that reality.
How would you convince his wife to do something like this?
That is a GOOD question. I can't do it. She isn't really talking to me. But you guys are absolutley right. As a single mother she would need to be more responsible. But she won't be. She doesn't pay bills, is always out of money. I'm scared though because earlier today she was on the computer looking at apartments and houses. If/when she does move out I'm sure that she will struggle mightily and/or fall on her face because she can't seem to be responsible and accountable. But if I were to say anything then it would push her to prove me wrong.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
I would suggest it for the safety of D13, and her safety as well. Suggest it to D13 and mention how much fun it would be for she and her mom... Manipulative, I know, Im out of ideas on that one, but I do think that it would be good for both of them.
Do you make her car payment, cell phone, any of that? Stop it. Do you have a joint bank acct? I would suggest splitting that up and asking her to be responsible for some of the household bills. Im sure that after nearly 20 years of marriage she doesnt have a very realistic idea of how expensive it would be for her to live on her own.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
