First of all my wife is not looking to hook up with someone else. That has never been one of my concerns. And if she were that is not a reflection of me but rather a reflection of a serious character flaw on her part. And no, I haven't done anything to deserve this treatment. Am I perfect, of course not. But have I done anything to deserve ending my marriage, I don't think so either. Some times people do bad things because they just want to.
In my honest opinion my wife has serious emotional issues and maybe some untreated psychological tramas that have led her to the decisions that she has made. She has refused to get help suggested by numerous people and I think that has led to her making the poor choices that she continues to make.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
My W has serious emotional issues as well and I thought she wasn't looking to hook up with someone else. But then she was spotted at the county fair with one guy, another on FaceBook has been sending her messages to go out and she's been googling an ex boyfried who now is a doctor 90 minutes away.
Several months ago she assured there was no one else. She said it wasn't that she didn't want me, she didn't want anyone.
So I was shocked at each of these discoveries. Look, once they get in WAW mode they are pretty far gone and in their heads the M is over and they are going to start looking around. They may or may not act on it, it depends on the circumstance.
In my case, if that ex boyfriend was here and available on a night she was out with her divorcee buddies then a PA would happen right away. It's almost a conceptual affair -- the dream of the supposed perfect man -- that I'm competing against.
So I wouldn't be too sure of anything about your W right now.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Hi Wolverine. It was highly innappropriate for her to be making a date with this other guy. You are absolutely justified in being pi$$ed about it. Even if it was just as "old friends catching up" Shes still married, and needs to act like it.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I only say that because after the assault she has been completely disgusted with sex and physical contact. She has had zero sex drive. That has been part of our problem. She has talked to doctors and therapists about it and have been told that it is normal under the circumstances. And sense she has refused to continue to get help after the assault the problem has not improved just gotten worse over the years. But at this point if she were to have an affair I would almost welcome it since that would be a definite deal breaker for me.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
bluerain, I wouldn't say that it was a date. I was probably overstating the situation sense I was upset. It was more of a passing comment at the end of the conversation. I was upset because of all that we are going through right now. If things were good between us I would not have had a problem with it at all. But under the circumstances.............. I just didn't like it.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
Wait, what?! I missed that, I guess I need to go back to your beginning.
If it is a problem for her, which Im guessing if she brought it up to her therapists it is, then it needs to be addressed. "Normal" or not, when a behavior (or lack there of) interferes with your life, marriage, etc, it needs to be addressed.
Im not sure how to address this, shes not open to any counselling at all?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Is the phone call something that you can put behind you? I understand the feeling of these little things that would have never bothered you before making you bristle now.
You should go for a run or take the kids to a movie!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Yeah, I'm over it now. It just made me mad at the moment.
As far as the counseling. I have been trying to get her to get help for the last couple of years. She has refused it vehemently. She was afraid of the stigma that "only crazy people need a therapist/phychiatrist" and refused to get help. She has been in denial ever sense. To get the whole situation read my first post.
Me-47 WAW-42 D-16 S-14 M-22 yrs T-19 yrs ILYBNILWY-3 years ago. Full Story and original posts: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...066#Post1781066
But at this point if she were to have an affair I would almost welcome it since that would be a definite deal breaker for me.
I'm with you. If any of these innocent encounters turns into a PA then it frees me up to file. It's already embarrassing enough having her run around while still married. I believe that marriage is a covenant with God, but she'd be breaking that by being unfaithful.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
- so she has problems that prevent her from loving you and being with you and being married to you - her problems don't prevent her from being with her friends and going with them - she gives you attitude when you hint about doing things together - she said "I love you but I'm not in love with you" which is usually (but not always) code for "I've found someone or I'm interested in someone who is new & exciting and you're not any of that anymore"
Are you more of a parent than a partner to her? Do you spend all your time taking care of the family & her but not yourself? Does she view you as some kind of martyr?
