So you have to understand how you're kind of losing me a bit when you talk about how I should be reaching for level 6. To me, at this time, the descriptions for levels 5 and 6 sound kind of like boring old-people sex. I DO UNDERSTAND that I would deeply appreciate it once I got to that point. But as a long-time HD male, the lack of erotic content in the level 5 and 6 descriptions sounds entirely penile-deflating. Nothing wrong with spiritual communion, but the concept to me looses the image of the lacy lingerie, the clothes that are tight in just the right places, the candlelight dinner with the flirtatious hints about the pleasures to come later in the evening.
The erotic content in level 5 and 6 is even deeper. By the time you reach those higher levels the trust between the couple is so deep it allows for even more exploration ( just ask DQ ).
Originally Posted By: ssmguy
Cinco, I agree with you, and I've been aware of those thoughts for a long time. I'm not fooling myself, I know darn well that I'm at Schnarch's level 2. I know I'm missing a lot. But on the other hand, I love sex and level 2 is still pretty damn fun. Part of it is that the level, variety, and frequency of sex in my marriage has been so meager that I'm basically at the late-teen stage of sexual "coming out" and exploration. Experiencing a woman responding physically is an absolutely new thing for me. Certain sexual positions are totally new for me. Having a woman wanting me to touch her breasts or her genitals, or even me permitting to do so, is TOTALLY NEW for me -- never experienced that in my life. So when you understand that, it's kind of "up in the clouds" to be talking about my need for soul-searching unions and blissful spiritual sex, etc. I'm quite happy to be operating at level 2 for a while until I get the hang of things. I'll let you know when that gets boring and I'm ready to move on to the higher levels!
ssmguy, my situation is different than yours in that I did get to have a lot of different experiences with women in my younger years. When I met my wife I was ready for that deep committed relationship with only her - I wanted a deeper love. We did have this early in our marriage... it all changed though after our daughter was born. Our sex life diminished to the point where it was almost non-existent. I was thrown back down the scale and rather than leave her, I began to explore my sexuality on my own.
Much like you I was content to do so for many years... but then it hit me - I'm wasting my life and I want my true love back. I had blinded myself for so long as to how I was hurting myself... hurting my wife. The sex-on-the-side was all so empty. Sure it felt good when I was doing it but it was empty all the same. I was trying to recapture what I had lost. Without true love it was just not the same.
I came to realize that to get what I truly wanted, I needed my wife to be my lover. If she no longer wanted to be my lover then I would have to leave her before finding another. Thankfully she chose to try to find a way back to me and together we are working on getting back to where we left off so many years ago. Many selfish things that I did pushed her away from me. I played a beg part in creating our problems.
I guess what I am saying is that, looking back, I wasted so much of my life trying to fill an emptiness in a shallow way. Now I know to live a full life it must be all or nothing. Fulfillment comes from deep meaning and purpose.
I'm not judging you ssmguy, just relating what happened in my life. It may help you see yourself in a different way.
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